Tomorrow I'm scheduled to be at a local conference for writers. I've paid my registration fee. I've organized schedules so that Hubby is available to spend the day with the Peanut. I've pulled out my business cards, even if they do have my maiden name on them, and dusted off my rarely used tablet. I'm as ready as I can be for a full day of networking and learning.
But it's been a couple of years since I've mingled with other writers or attended a conference. I'm completely out of the writer's loop--and that scares the crap out of me. I feel like a newbie walking into a room full of strangers. I'm not sure who will be there of those I used to see regularly, and I'm sure there will be plenty of new faces. Will the regulars remember me? Will I remember them? Will I feel welcome, as though I'd never disappeared from their circle, or will it be as though I'm a new writer all over again?
I'm nervous, to say the least, but I'm excited, too. There's something inspiring and motivating about being around a group of fellow creatives, and I'm already preparing to soak up all that energy. I've roped a writer friend into coming with me, and this will be her first conference experience, so I'm also looking forward to being her introduction to the local writing scene.
In the spirit of being optimistic, I'm reminding myself of tips I've given to others in the past, back in the days when I attended writing events frequently:
1. Network, network, network. I'll try to talk to as many people as I can. I'll introduce myself to whomever I find myself sitting or standing next to and I'll introduce my friend to anyone I meet. I'll exchange contact information with each of them, on the off chance that we might be able to help one another in the future.
2. Follow up. I'll make sure to be in contact with every person whose contact information I collect within a couple weeks of the conference. I want to reconnect with the writing community and this is a great way to begin building relationships again.
3. Take notes. I won't just be taking notes on the sessions I attend. I'll also make sure to take notes on the back of business cards so that I remember something significant about each person I meet. This will help when I write those follow-up emails later.
4. Ask questions. People like to talk about themselves and their projects, and what you hear when you ask questions will tell you a lot about the people you meet. I'm a firm believer that if you ask questions and listen closely, you'll learn more than you would in any classroom.
5. Be prepared to answer questions about yourself. Have a pitch about the book you're working on. Know what "you do" so that when the inevitable question comes up you can quickly respond with a succinct summary of the types of work you do.
6. Be open. More than anything I want to be open to whatever I'm supposed to learn and whomever I'm supposed to meet at this conference. I believe that an openness to creativity, thoughts, and people will help me to get the most out of the experience. Opportunities and ideas can abound it I'm ready for them.
Wish me luck as I wade back into the world of writers!
Friday, April 25, 2014
Stepping Out
Friday, December 06, 2013
Book Spotlight: Make Freelancing REALLY Pay
There's also a great giveaway at the end of the post, so read on for your chance to win!
Guest Post: Daisy McCarty
What Is Feedback Worth to Freelance Writers?Getting feedback as a writer can be uncomfortable. But it’s also one of the best ways to improve your skills so you can actually get paid for what you do. Of course, not all ways of seeking feedback are equally effective. Here are some pitfalls to avoid and what to do instead:
If You Can’t Say Something Nice…
Some freelancers visit local writers’ group in the hopes that it will improve their writing skills. Sadly, offering any type of constructive criticism in such settings is often viewed as inappropriate. While a supportive and encouraging environment is nice, it isn’t going to help you increase the value of your writing services or boost your income. That’s why online forums and groups (such as those on LinkedIn) are often more helpful for freelancers. People can sometimes be unkind online, but a virtual discussion group may also offer other professional writers the chance to be frank about areas of your writing that need improvement. This feedback will help toughen your hide for encounters with clients, where you really need to be able to keep your cool.
The “Work for Free” Trap
In one of the more controversial chapters in my book, Make Freelancing REALLY Pay, I advise freelance writers to avoid working for free. Even if it’s for a good cause or to get “exposure”, the practice of giving away your services for nothing (agreeing that your writing has no monetary value) is very damaging. Once you’ve established that pattern, it’s tough to start charging profitable rates for your writing. Why do I bring this up? I have seen other freelancers advise new writers to write for magazines for free so they can get feedback from editors about their work. I completely agree that having a professional editor go over your work and offer suggestions for improvement is valuable. But I think it’s so valuable that you should actually hire your own editor as a writing coach. When you pay an editor, their focus is on making you a better writer to meet your career goals. Then, once you know that your writing meets excellent standards, you can approach clients with more confidence and charge a respectable rate.
Don’t Wait for “Feed-back” – Get “Feed-front”
Listening to feedback you receive from a client after you’ve submitted a first draft is essential for freelance success. However, an even more important step is obtaining as much guidance as possible up front. Soliciting information during a verbal or emailed discussion before you start writing will make you a much more productive writer. As an example: for web content projects, I often include one free revision per page in my bid price. About half the time, my clients ask for no revisions at all – even on large projects. Since I bid on a per project basis, this means I’m making more money per hour of work. Over time, I’ve developed a good idea of the kinds of things clients tend to leave out of their initial project description or bid request. I’ve turned these common “missing elements” into a questionnaire template that clients can fill out at the onset of a project to give me as much direction as possible. As a result, the most common feedback I hear from clients is “Great job!”
Final Note: Wherever you turn for feedback, be sure to run it through your internal “relevance filter” instead of taking it at face value. While a client may be correct about what they need for their project, that doesn’t mean you should apply the same feedback to projects for other clients. Always be willing to listen to new perspectives!
About the Author:
Daisy McCarty is a self-educated writer and co-founder of Freelance Text, a professional services firm that specializes in web content creation. Since transitioning out of a seven year career in Corporate Procurement in 2008, Daisy has been using her negotiating skills to navigate to the higher levels of the online writing industry. Today, she mentors informally at Professional Freelancers Network, and offers formal one-on-one consulting services to freelancers who are ready to increase their income. Her latest book is Make Freelancing REALLY Pay: Communication and Negotiation Strategies That Take You to the Top.
You can read Daisy’s blog and get more great freelancing advice at http://makefreelancingpay.com.
Connect & Socialize with Daisy!
TWITTER * FACEBOOK
ENTER TO WIN!
Pump Up Your Book and Daisy McCarty are teaming up to give you a chance to win one of (5) $25 Amazon Gift Cards & one of (5) 1 hour sessions of consulting services! Terms & Conditions:
- By entering the giveaway, you are confirming you are at least 18 years old
- Ten winners will be chosen via Rafflecopter to receive one of five $25 Amazon Gift Cards or one of five one hour sessions of consulting services
- This giveaway begins December 2 and ends December 27.
- Winners will be announced on this page and contacted via email on Monday, December 30, 2013.
- Winner has 48 hours to reply. Good luck everyone!
Monday, November 18, 2013
Book Spotlight: Hypothyroidism, Health and Happiness
After the Peanut was born, I found I was having some strange symptoms and I couldn't put my finger on what might be causing them. Some routine blood work indicated that I was considered "borderline hypothyroid". After a visit to the endocrinologist, I was diagnosed with post-partum thyroiditis and Hashimoto's disease. Right around the same time, I heard about Dr. Hotze's book, Hypothyroidism, Health and Happiness.
Below is a spotlight on his book. I'm looking forward to reading it in the near future and learning more about how I can treat my hypothyroidism in the best way for my life and my body.
ABOUT HYPOTHYROIDISM, HEALTH AND HAPPINESS
Too often, individuals with all the signs of low thyroid are prevented from accessing the simple, inexpensive and effective treatment for hypothyroidism. Instead, they are told their blood work is “normal.” Find out why they owe it to themselves to believe what their bodies are telling them, rather than the results of their blood tests.
Dr. Hotze has been on a mission to get this message into the hands of women and men, particularly those in midlife, for more than 20 years. The answers you will find in this book about the signs, symptoms and treatment of low thyroid conditions are no longer a part of the conventional medical approach to hypothyroidism.
Inside, you will learn:
- The historical basis for identifying and treating hypothyroidism
- Underlying causes of hypothyroidism
- Clinical signs and symptoms that may mean you have hypothyroidism
- The little-used thyroid blood test that identifies thyroid disorders in spite of a “normal” TSH
- Other individuals just like you who are now healthy, well, and thriving
- Simple at-home test you can do as a starting point towards discovering if you have low thyroid
- And more
ABOUT DR. STEVEN HOTZE
Steven F. Hotze, M.D., is the founder and CEO of the Hotze Health & Wellness Center, Physician’s Preference and Hotze Pharmacy. His goal is to change the way women and men are treated in midlife through the use of bioidentical hormone therapy. His 8-Point Treatment Regimen has helped thousands of individuals to get on a path of health and wellness and enjoy a better quality of life in an environment of extraordinary hospitality and guest service.Dr. Hotze is the author of the book, “Hormones, Health, and Happiness”. In it he describes his journey from using pharmaceutical drugs to actively listening to his patients and treating the root cause of their symptoms through natural approaches. “For an acute illness, such as strep throat or a sinus infection, the drug approach may be appropriate. However, few patients with chronic ailments ever really get well by taking drugs. How can they? Chronic illness and disease are not caused by deficiencies of prescription drugs.”
Suzanne Somers dedicated an entire chapter to Dr. Hotze in her New York Times best seller, “Breakthrough”. “This Texan doctor is going to steal your heart,” writes Somers. “He has so much energy he can’t wait to get to his office each day. He has built up a practice that is the envy of doctors everywhere.”
Dr. Hotze has appeared on hundreds of television and radio shows across the nation, including ABC, NBC, CBS, and FOX affiliates, and CBS’ The Morning Show. He is also a regular guest on the KHOU Channel 11 morning program, Great Day Houston.
Dr. Hotze is a member of the American Academy of Otolaryngic Allergy and the Association of American Physicians and Surgeons, and is former president of the Pan American Allergy Society.
You can listen to Dr. Hotze and his colleagues on his radio program, “Health and Wellness Solutions”, which airs Monday-Thursday on KSEV 700 AM in Houston from 12-1 p.m. CST, or online on this website. – See more at: http://www.hotzehwc.com/en-US/Health-Wellness-Center.aspx#sthash.jKocO34s.dpuf
a Rafflecopter giveaway
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
On Passion and Purpose
Today I watched delightedly (and belatedly) while Damaris Phillips cried tears of joy as she was named this season's Food Network Star. I'm a sucker for these types of competition shows, be it Cupcake Wars or Design Star or, back in the earlier seasons, American Idol. I love a good competition and, finally, I've figured out why.
There's a passion and dedication that oozes out of the competitors. Each person who has made it to the televised competition has convinced judges that they have what it takes to be a star. Their love of what they do shines and drives them to be the best, to make their dreams come true.
That passion inspires me. Seeing people pursue what they love publicly, with as much effort and commitment as they possibly can makes me want to do the same. But sometimes it makes me check myself.
Could I leave my family for weeks at a time in order to get a job done? Could I stay up late every night, knowing I'd only get a couple of hours of sleep, so that I could develop ideas and work on manuscripts? Could I choose my writing over my friendships and marriage? Should I? Do I have to? Do I want to?
These questions run through my head all the time. Especially now that my free time, my writing time, is so very, very limited. I spend so little time writing these days that I wonder: Do I have the passion that I need to write the stories that are brewing inside me every day? Is it really my purpose to do so?
And then I sit down at my computer on the rare occasion that I have set aside some writing time, and the words start to flow. The ideas percolate and they spill out onto the page. I may not get much done, but that feeling of fervor, of desire and NEED, bubbles up inside of me and I think, "Yes. I have the passion. This IS my purpose."
Even when I'm not writing--when my days have become so full of diaper changes, baby play, and household chores that I'm way too exhausted to squeeze in even the tiniest bit of writing--that passion lingers. My spirit knows my purpose and I crave the opportunity to boot up the computer and put words together to make sentences that flow into paragraphs filled with meaning, paragraphs that pile up into stories that will touch someone else.
I look forward to those moments with longing and I know that, some day, I'll be the one displaying passion and purpose as I type on my keyboard, creating my newest work of literature. In the meantime, I'm directing that passion into my family, storing up stories that will find their way to the page when time allows. And I'm watching other people pursue their passions and live their dreams as a reminder that my dreams are still there, waiting to be realized.
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Challenge: Stress Relief
I'm typing this post on my trusty iPhone while the Peanut is napping on my lap. It turns out when you're raising an infant you find all sorts of creative ways to get things done. It's taken some time (almost 10 months, to be exact), but I'm finally starting to figure things out.
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Eighteen Again
Motherhood has taught me a lot of lessons in the few months since I joined the club, but the biggest one I'm learning is how to give myself a break. That's a hard lesson to learn when I've been beating myself up about my body for most of my life.
In the recent past, I managed to develop a positive self-image and I've
had several years of self acceptance, which included a few years where I
was wearing the smallest sizes I'd ever worn as an adult. But now I'm wearing an 18 again, and I'm none too happy about it. I find myself too quickly falling back into that well of negative self-talk, a place that I thought I'd climbed out of for good.
Don't get me wrong. I recognize that I gave birth less than a year ago, and that my body did an amazing thing, growing a human being and all. Unfortunately, now that he's heading swiftly toward his first birthday and I'm not even close to fitting into my pre-pregnancy clothes, I'm having a bit of trouble looking at myself in the mirror and thinking happy thoughts.
I know I shouldn't be too hard on myself, but I also know how hard I worked to fit into that size 8 dress a couple of years ago. I know that I made some poor choices while I was pregnant and gave into too many cravings.
I can't take back all the weight I gained while I was pregnant, but I can choose each day to work my way back toward that size 8. I've done it before, and while it might take a bit more effort now that I don't have a gym membership or hours that I can spend doing cardio and lifting weights, I know I can do it again. And I hope I can teach my son to have a healthy relationship with food and exercise along the way.
Monday, February 11, 2013
Recipe: Sloppy Lentils and Tangy Slaw
It's been a while since I posted a recipe here, but my niece has decided to be a vegetarian and her mom needed some protein-rich veg recipes that would satisfy the whole family. I gave her a list of my favorites, most of which I've already posted. This one happens to be easy and satisfies the occasional Sloppy Joe craving.
Sloppy Lentils
(Adapted from Fresh from the Vegetarian Slow Cooker)
Makes 4 to 6 servings
Ingredients
1 TBSP olive oil
1 medium yellow onion, chopped
1 small red or green pepper, seeded and chopped
1 TBSP chili powder
1 1/2 cups dried brown lentils, picked over and rinsed
One 14.5 oz can crushed tomatoes
3 cups water
2 TBSP soy sauce
1 TBSP yellow mustard
1 TBSP brown sugar
1 TBSP maple syrup
1 tsp salt
Black pepper to taste
Instructions
1. In a large skillet, heat the oil over medium heat. Add the onion and pepper and cook until softened, stirring occasionally. Add the chili powder and stir to mix well. Cook for 30 seconds more, then remove from heat.
2. Transfer the mixture to the slow cooker. Add the remaining ingredients and stir to combine. Cover and cook on Low for 8 hours.
Serve on burger buns and top with coleslaw (optional). I like to top mine with a tangy broccoli slaw (mix a bag of broccoli slaw with a tangy dressing made by whisking together about 1/4 cup light mayo, a TBSP soy sauce and TBSP rice vinegar).
Wednesday, February 06, 2013
The Perfect Moment
As if I haven’t had enough change in my life over the last couple of years, I’m about to take a huge risk. In two weeks, I say good-bye to my full-time employer and embark on the scariest, most exciting journey yet. I’ve been working for the same small government contractor for more than six years now. A core group of about ten employees has come to be like a family to me and I’m sad to see my last days with them come. Still, the excitement of something new is brewing.
I’ve often dreamed of being a stay-at-home mom and running my own business from home, but I never really thought it would be feasible. I just thought it would be nice. Then, one night when Jesse and I were going over the pros and cons of my staying home with our little one for the fourteenth time, Jesse said to me, “I’d hate for you to have this opportunity to do what you really want to do and not take it. I don’t want you to regret that.” Those words have echoed in my mind over and over again as the deadline for a decision got closer and closer. I knew what I really wanted and, with the support of my husband, I let it unfold for me.
There were a lot of reasons to walk away from a good-paying job: a long commute; my desire to nurse the baby for as long as I can; a lack of family in the area who could help with child care and a limited budget for daycare or a nanny; not wanting to miss any of those important early moments; and the chance to take a chance. But there were also a lot of reasons not to walk away: really good health insurance; professional relationships (and friendships); a respectable income; a career I’ve spent years building; and a fear of failing at something new. Despite the cons of leaving my job, deep down, I think I always knew what we would do. I never once looked into daycare for the baby, never once thought about how I would handle the logistics of working and raising a child.
Don’t get me wrong, a lack of independent wealth means this decision was not an easy one—we’re going to be cutting corners, clipping coupons and stretching budgets. I wouldn’t say we’ve decided to live off one income because we CAN. We’ve decided that it’s what we WANT and we’re going to make it happen.
For years I’ve been trying to build up the courage to do something different. I’ve been hemming and hawing, building a business in fits and starts while hoping that the perfect moment to take the leap would come. But it never did. Turns out there’s never really a perfect moment for anything. No perfect moment for falling in love. No perfect moment for having a baby. And no perfect moment for quitting a perfectly acceptable job with a significant and steady income to try something new, something unpredictable and a little unknown.
But we do these things anyway. We find ourselves in situations we didn’t expect or hadn’t planned and we make the best of them. In my experience, more often than not, we realize they’re the best things we could have ever done, anyway. The Universe has a better grasp on what we need (and want) than we do. Maybe every moment is a perfect moment if we choose to let it be.
So in two weeks, when I turn way from that steady, comfortable job, I will turn toward my dreams and I won’t look back. I will look forward, to precious time with my baby boy, to that novel that I’ve been sitting on, to the freelance work I’ve put on hold, to teaching more yoga (and practicing more, too). I’ll look forward to whatever is on the horizon, whether I can see it yet or not, and know that the timing of everything will be perfect.
Friday, June 29, 2012
Time Flies and Life is Good
I can't believe how quickly the last 6 months have gone by. I'm almost 30 weeks along, but it seems like just yesterday I was announcing the pending arrival of our bundle of joy. (I know that's cliche, but cliches are cliche for a reason.)
My pregnancy has been relatively uneventful, and I'm enjoying every phase of it. I had very little nausea early on, I was quite energetic in my second trimester, and the worst things I've dealt with so far are the occasional bouts of indigestion and some REALLY swollen feet on the hot, humid days that are becoming more and more frequent. All told, I'm very grateful to have had such a pleasant pregnancy.
The Peanut (a boy, it turns out) is growing bigger by the minute, and (to my chagrin) so am I. He's squirming and somersaulting all over the place and I love sitting or lying down and just feeling him move. Sometimes it makes me laugh out loud, and sometimes I'm in complete awe of what's happening inside me. I'm growing a human being, people! How weird and totally miraculous is that?!?
It's taken longer than I'd hoped, but we're finally starting to get the nursery ready. Furniture is arriving and the baby isn't going to wait forever, so it's time to get down to business. In the midst of doctors appointments and work and all the preparations for the Peanut, Jesse and I are settling into our own routine, getting used to living together and enjoying our quality time together, just the two of us, before the Peanut arrives.
Despite major loss and sadness this spring, and the normal challenges of life that seem to come our way when we feel least capable of handling them, I can't help but feel that life is good. The sun keeps rising. The fireflies flash their hopeful lights in the evening. The flowers bloom. A baby grows and a family is formed.
Yeah, life is really, really good.
Thursday, March 08, 2012
Where Openness Leads
If you'd asked me a year ago where I'd be right now, today, I never would have imagined this. Which just goes to show you that we have no idea what the Universe has in store for us.
I would have told you as much a year ago. I'm no fool now, and I wasn't then. I would have said I had no idea where I'd be or what I'd be doing. I would have told you about some of my plans and dreams--teaching yoga, writing, dating, traveling--but I would have also said this:
I am open to whatever comes my way.
I'd like to believe that's how I've lived my life for more than a year now. Open to all the possibilities and opportunities that I've encountered. Willing to take risks, try new things, look at the world from different perspectives.
I went out on dates with men I was sure were out of my league--and discovered how terribly wrong I could be. I flew a plane. I took trips to new places. I swam with sting rays. I taught my first yoga classes. I learned how to knit. I spent time reconnecting with old friends. I also opened my heart and made new ones.
I fell in love.
And that's where I am now. In love with someone who complements me perfectly, someone I can laugh with and talk to, who seems to know me better than I know myself. He is someone I can trust, who is open and honest and hears me when I speak. He is so caring and generous and loving that sometimes it's difficult for me to receive it all. I try my best, though, and I give back all that I can.
I could not be happier or more content where I am. Right now. Especially because out of that love, something beautiful and amazing was created:
I'm so glad I was open to what came my way, and so grateful for all the blessings and opportunities I've had over the last year. Now I look forward to a year ahead, filled with many more wonderful experiences.
I have no idea what this year will hold, but I am open to whatever comes my way.
Friday, November 18, 2011
Conversation Skills Required
My experience with eHarmony did nothing if not help me whittle down my lists of "Must Haves" and "Can't Stands", as they call them.
Kevin was my first eHarmony date. We met at a local coffee shop, one of my favorite places to hang out on the weekends. I got there about 15 minutes early, wearing jeans, a nice tank top and a cardigan. I ordered my coffee and sat at a table for two with my Writer's Digest magazine.
We'd emailed back and forth a few times, so I knew his basics. He was a self-employed web software developer who liked to sail and loved water sports. I don't know why I was so surprised when he walked through the door looking more tanned than a Miss America contestant.
He was wearing jeans and a white, short-sleeved linen button-down shirt that only amplified his golden skin. As he approached, I stood and smiled, reaching out my hand to shake his as he leaned in to hug me. This was my first sign that we weren't on the same page.
"Nice to finally meet you in person," I said, trying to avoid any awkwardness.
"You, too," he said. "I'm just going to grab some coffee. Do you want anything?"
"Oh, I already got mine," I said, holding up my cup. The look on his face told me I should have waited so he could treat me. Since I couldn't take it back I tried to smooth things over by offering a warm smile and a quick suggestion. "The Charm City blend is my favorite."
By the time he'd ordered and returned to the table I'd put away my magazine and was fidgeting with the corner of my cup sleeve. He started the conversation by telling me he'd driven past the shop, which was why he'd been a few minutes late. I asked him about his plans for the day. "I'm heading to my parents' in Delaware. I'm going to spend the week up there," he said.
There was a pause while I waited for a reciprocal question. When it didn't come, I said, "So tell me more about your work. What exactly do you do?"
And this is how it went. I spent the entire time it took to drink my coffee asking him questions. He spent the whole time answering them. Despite several pauses in the conversation, not once did he ask me anything.
When my coffee was gone, I said I needed to get going. I gathered my stuff and told him I was parked around the corner. He'd also parked around the corner, so we made small talk as he walked with me.
"I'll give you a call when I get back from Delaware next week," he said, and gave me a hug.
It seemed he thought it went well, but I couldn't get past the fact that he walked away that day not knowing one single additional thing about me. I didn't hear from him again. I wasn't particularly surprised--or disappointed.
Must Have: Someone who can participate in an intelligent conversation. (Note: Conversations include reciprocity. Spending an entire date talking about yourself does not constitute a conversation.)
Kevin clearly didn't fit the bill.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
On Coasting
I'd like to believe that the moment I decided not to pursue medicine, I decided to take my life into my own hands. That's not the complete truth, though. I have this habit of stepping out, taking a chance, and then coasting.
For a long time, I let things happen to me. I wasn't very good at
taking charge of my life. I went with the flow, as they say, rather than
considering what I really wanted out of life. That's how I ended up
finishing a pre-med program with no desire to go to medical school.
It is, at least in part, how I ended up in Baltimore. It was a friend's suggestions and coaxing that started the process, and once the ball got rolling I couldn't imagine doing anything else. I didn't wonder if it was the right choice, I just let momentum take over. I applied for jobs, I interviewed, and in the end, I found myself in Charm City.
It was my decision to go back to school and get my degree in writing, and it was my choice to change careers and move in a new direction. Then I took the first writing job that came my way and have been coasting along there for six years.
I took a chance and chose to pursue a man, and then I floated for years through a relationship that was going no where. It was comfortable and so I stayed.
It seemed there was no adventure in my
bones, no fearlessness or spunk. It was
there, though, lying dormant. I just failed to recognize it, to nurture it. Now and then I
would feed it with small risks and tiny tastes of audacity, but it wanted more.
And eventually it got what it wanted. Over the last 18 months I have been exploring adventure. I've been making more conscious choices, and I practice choosing every day what direction I want my life to move in. I decided to become a yoga teacher and I made it happen. Once I finished my training, I carefully chose the classes I wanted to teach. And when a new teaching opportunity comes up, I weigh my options and make the choice I think is best at the time.
I've tried new things, like ending a stagnant relationship, exploring online dating, flying an airplane, auditioning for a teaching position, and submitting essays to Big Name publications. I've learned from my mistakes and I've made some new ones. But I've done most of it consciously.
There will always be times when it's easier to let life sweep us through the motions and there's nothing wrong with coasting on occasion. I just hope that I've learned enough to recognize when it's happening so that I can either choose to be swept away or make the effort to slow the current and take a different path.
Monday, November 07, 2011
Falling Into New Goals
While most people look at fall as the beginning of the end of a year, I usually see it as an opportunity to set new goals and start new projects. Sure, it's the start of a really busy season, with holidays and travel filling up a lot of my time, but it's also the perfect time to check in with the goals I set earlier in the year. I let go of anything that no longer suits my desires and plans. Then I make adjustments to the goals that are still important to me and set new goals to take me through the end of the current year and into the beginning of the next.
2011 has been an excellent year so far. While much of what I'd planned to do this year has fallen to the wayside, new and exciting things have cropped up in my life. I've learned to be flexible in my goals and to recognize patterns of behavior that might be hindering me from getting where I want to go.
Where there were once a lot of professional writing and freelance business goals, there are now yoga teaching goals, creative writing goals, and personal life goals climbing toward the top of the list. As I've evaluated what I've been spending my time on, I've come to discover more of what is important to me.
I like to spend time with friends and family, so I've needed to make more time for being social. I've found a real passion in teaching yoga, which means I've taken on more classes than I'd originally planned to teach in my first year. I'm also in the midst of a relatively new romantic relationship, one that I never expected but am so wonderfully blessed by. And with that new long-distance relationship, I've had to learn how to navigate the waters of time zone differences and Skype dates, among other things. With a lot of changes on the horizon these days, it seems like I'm always checking in with my goals and plans to make sure I'm headed in the right direction.
It turns out that there's never a bad time to re-evaluate your goals. You don't have to make resolutions on January 1st or set a goal at the beginning of a month. You can start any time. Don't let habit or tradition stop you from setting goals right now. We're only one week into the month. Why not set a goal today to make your November positive and fulfilling? Need some ideas? Here are a few:
* Practice some form of yoga every day.
* Meditate for 10 minutes every morning.
* Take three mindful breaths before you start each meal.
* Spend time every week learning or practicing a skill.
Whatever goal you choose, set the intention to work toward it every day and don't get down on yourself if you "slip" or get off track. The point here is to keep moving forward. No beating yourself up or dwelling over perceived failures. Focus on the achievements and let everything else serve as a learning opportunity.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Slippery Inspiration
I've been thinking about my writing process lately, wondering why I can't seem to make time for more writing in my life. I worry that I'm making excuses, that I'm letting fear keep me from putting words down. I'm busy, as always, and I've been going through a number of transitions over the last year and a half. But is that really what's holding me back? Shouldn't a writer HAVE to write? I've been journaling more, writing notes about things I'd like to delve into more deeply, occasionally developing an idea into something fuller and more complete. But is that enough for now or am I fooling myself?
As a writer, I'm always finding inspiration around me. Maybe it comes from a conversation I overheard at the grocery store or a news report on TV or a book I'm reading. Sometimes it comes from something as simple as the colors of the leaves or the stars in the night sky. Finding inspiration has never been a problem for me. Ideas are all around me.
The problem with inspiration is that it's slippery. It comes and goes, and if I don't grab onto it, I lose it. If I don't take advantage of it when it strikes, I lose the fire as time passes. But I don't always have the time when inspiration strikes. I wish I could somehow figure out how to make it stick. Instead I let other obligations snuff out all my creative energy.
There isn't much I'd rather do more than writing. When I'm sitting at my desk at work, I'd almost always rather be blogging or working on my latest creative project. But at the end of a long day, I find it hard to open the laptop and put in the effort it takes to write something worth sharing. When the weekend rolls around, I'm so tired from running around and meeting my obligations that I find it hard to tap into that creative vein and let the words flow. Even now, while I sit on my couch, my dinner eaten, my yoga practice finished, the cat in my lap, and my bed time looming, I wonder if the time and energy I'm taking to write this is worth it.
And then I know it is. Even if only to remind me how it's done, that it's not as hard as I think it's going to be. Yes, it takes effort, but it also feels good to see the words on the screen, to hear the clicking of the keys, to find a rhythm as the sentences begin to flow. So when that inspiration seems to have slipped away, when I open my journal and find notes about some moment that I can't quite remember, I'll choose dig into it anyway. I'll close my eyes and try to return to that place where the creativity bubbled up inside of me. I'll open my eyes and start to write, knowing that not everything that comes out on the page will be inspired, but at least it will be mine.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Comparison Yoga
When I first started practicing yoga, I would spend a significant amount of time in classes comparing myself to the other students. I'd think, 'I'm not as flexible as her' or 'I'll never be able to do a back bend like that.' I'd get my body into a posture and immediately start looking around to see who was doing it better, who had it more right, who looked more serene and yogic. There was always someone. Always.
These comparisons often discouraged me from taking yoga classes altogether. In fact, they kept me from venturing into a full-fledged yoga studio for years, because that's where the REAL yogis practiced. And I clearly wasn't a real yogi if I couldn't stand on my head or contort into a pretzel, right?
It was only when I began focusing on what was happening on my own mat that I started really benefiting from yoga. At first those moments were sporadic. Maybe I'd close my eyes for a second in Warrior I and realize how strong my legs felt, or I'd find myself gazing at the floor while in Warrior III and realize I'd been balancing in the pose longer than I ever expected I could. With time, I started to link these experiences together. I spent more and more of each class present in my own body and less time worrying about what the bodies around me were (and were not) doing.
Instead of measuring myself against some outside standard, I tried to be more accepting of who and where I was each time I stepped on my mat. With that shift, instead of finding discouragement in yoga class, I started finding strength and peace.
This change in perspective gave me permission, finally, to enter a yoga studio--as a teacher trainee. I'll admit, that entrance was a bit more dramatic than it needed to be. I could have simply taken a class, after all. That doesn't really matter, though. What matters is this: By letting go of the comparisons (at least most of the time), I gave myself permission to do something that, in the past, I would have considered off limits to someone "like me" (read: someone not flexible/strong/thin/whatever enough).
Don't get me wrong. I haven't stopped comparing myself to others. I don't know if I'll ever be able to stop completely. It's a behavior as ingrained and instinctive as scratching an itch. But now that I'm aware of the part of me that finds my own worth (or lack thereof) through comparison to others, I'm able to notice how it affects me and, with a little effort, let those comparisons go.
Friday, August 19, 2011
Chunky Gazpacho Recipe
A fruits and vegetable fast will drive a girl to all sorts of creativity in the kitchen. Especially when she's gone overboard at the farmers market. I've been craving soup lately for some reason, but since it's still rather warm outside, I thought a cold soup would be the best bet. I was waffling between a raw Tomato Basil Soup and gazpacho. Since I needed to use up as many vegetables as I could, I pulled out the food processor, some tomatoes, peppers, an onion, garlic, and cilantro and got to work. This soup is so easy to make, and it's absolutely delicious.
I modified a gazpacho recipe from Vegetarian Times for an easy, chunky gazpacho version.
Chunky Gazpacho
(Adapted from Vegetarian Times)
Ingredients:
3 large ripe tomatoes, stemmed and quartered
1 large ripe tomato, finely diced
1 cucumber, peeled and sliced (finely dice about a handful and reserve)
1 green peppers, seeded and quartered (finely dice about a handful and reserve)
1/2 red pepper, seeded and halved again (finely dice about a handful and reserve)
1/2 large red onion, peeled and sliced thickly (finely dice about a handful and reserve)
2 Tbs. olive oil
2 Tbs. cider vinegar
2 large cloves garlic
Large handful of cilantro
Salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste
Avocado, diced for garnish (optional)
Instructions:
Place diced tomatoes, cucumbers, green and red peppers and onion in a large bowl. Combine the remaining tomatoes, cucumber, peppers, and onion in food processor. Add olive oil, vinegar, garlic, salt and pepper, and cilantro. Pulse until mostly smooth, then pour into the bowl with the diced veggies and stir to mix. Serve immediately at room temperature or chill. Top with diced avocado right before serving.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Message to My Sixth Grade Self
I've been following a lot of yoga blogs of late, for obvious reasons. I came across Curvy Yoga recently, and wish I had found it five years ago, when I first started practicing yoga and was much curvier than I am now. Curvy Yoga classes, or any yoga classes tailored toward people with curves, are few and far between in my experience, and joining a yoga class or studio where everyone seems to be fitter and thinner than you can be intimidating. Trust me. Been there, done that.
But yoga is ultimately about connecting your mind, spirit AND body. It's about tuning in to what your body has to tell you, noticing it and not judging it. As a curvy gal, I've been judging my body for as long as I can remember. With years of yoga practice and other strategies, I'm getting better at the acceptance and non-judgment, but those negative thoughts still creep in on occasion. Which is why I absolutely loved a (somewhat) recent blog post on Curvy Yoga about an enthusiastic sixth-grade yoga student.
Many of the lessons Anna mentions she learned from this beautiful sixth grader are lessons I wish I'd learned by the sixth grade. In fact, most of them I'm still learning. "Fearlessness is the new black," for instance. Or, "Your body is perfect because it's yours."
With that in mind, I decided to write up my own list of messages I'd like to send my sixth grade self. Things I wished I'd known then (and maybe even wish I knew right now). I figure, my sixth grade self is still in there somewhere, still learning, right? Hopefully these lessons will help her grow up confident and strong.
Lesson #1: Trust your gut. If something feels right for you, it probably is. And if it feels "off", that's enough of a reason to walk away.
Lesson #2: You are beautiful. No matter what the magazines or TV shows say or imply. Just because your body looks different, just because you're not a size 2, doesn't mean you are any less beautiful than that model or the skinny girl in your math class.
Lesson #3: It's okay to shine. Don't spend your life hiding. Allow yourself the opportunity to stand out. Be smart. Be funny. Be brave. Enjoy your life by being exactly who you are.
What lessons would you share with your sixth-grade self?
Friday, August 12, 2011
Exhibit A: A Date with a Lawyer
Ages ago I promised to share some of my dating stories and I'm finally getting around to writing them up. I apologize for the long wait and hope anyone that was interested is still reading.
I met one of my first eHarmony dates, a lawyer, at a trendy wine bar. The walls were covered in bold paint and the patrons were all very pretty. The evening started out a little off, when The Lawyer showed up 10 minutes late and didn't even apologize. It was all downhill from there.
I should have known we weren't a good match from our online interactions. He was obviously very into weight lifting and physical appearance. In fact, his profile indicated that one of his "Must Haves" was: "I must have a partner who is extremely attractive by today's standards." He'd seen pictures of me, so I assumed I met his physical requirements. But I consider myself to be rather average looking, and the fact that I was being held up to an "extremely attractive" standard made me nervous.
He was attractive himself, and had beautiful eyes and dimples (a weakness of mine), but he was also short and balding, with a solid, stocky build. We're not exactly talking Bradley Cooper here. Still, I went into the date with an open mind. Looks aren't everything, to me, at least. Personality generally reigns when it comes to deciding whether I'd like to see a person again, so I gave him a chance. We took two stools at the bar and got down to the business of choosing our wines.
"What are you going to get?" he asked, and I decided on the Pino Grigio, trying to stick with something I knew I'd like. "That's what I was going to get," he said, and ordered for us. A good sign, I thought, that we had similar taste in wine.
Turns out that was the only good sign of the evening. I discovered quickly why he was a lawyer. Opinionated and argumentative, he had a counter-point for every single thing I said. I'm not even sure he actually disagreed with me, but he shot down every opinion I expressed. If I tried to agree with a point he was making he would immediately change his stance. Whether he was playing devil's advocate or just being an asshole, I'll never know. By the time I'd finished my first glass of wine, I was ready to go. When he ordered a second, I politely turned down another drink. He got the hint, paid the bill and walked me to my car.
When we got there, he held out his arms for a hug and I obliged, giving him an awkward pat on the back. As he pulled away, he actually had the nerve to go in for a kiss, at which point I quickly turned my head and said good night.
Thankfully, I never heard from him again.
Lessons Learned:
1. Lawyers like to argue. Be prepared to be put on the stand.
2. I'm much better at voicing my opinion after a glass of wine.
3. I actually enjoy having lively and sometimes heated discussion about a topic.
4. I do not, however, want to be with a man who doesn't respect my opinion and argues just for the sake of arguing.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Making Space
I have this tendency to pack my life full of obligations, to be busy, busy, busy. All. The. Time. I'm learning, however, that this is not an effective strategy for getting things done. In fact, it seems to be working against me.
The stuff on my schedule, while generally stuff I enjoy, includes a number of things that I feel I should be doing or enjoying. So lately I've been trying to say "no" more, and only add to my schedule the things I really want to do. Surprisingly, this strategy has opened up space in my life for MORE things I love.
I've been going, going, going for so long, that I forgot how good it feels to have nothing planned, to be free to make impulsive, last-minute decisions about what I'd like to do with my time. Over the past few weekends, I've managed to relax, practice yoga and even get some chores done, not by scheduling every moment, but rather by making fewer plans and doing exactly what I wanted, when I wanted.
Here's a sampling of what I found time for:
- Washing and drying several loads of laundry
- Cuddling with my cat
- Baking cookies with a friend and her son
- Watching multiple episodes of my current TV obsessions on Netflix
- Lounging by the pool
- Teaching a yoga class
- Napping in the middle of the day
- Talking books and drinking coffee with friends
- Taking a hot yoga class
- Vacuuming the rugs and cleaning the kitchen
- Seeing a movie and having lunch with friends
- Doing a restorative yoga practice at home
- Writing and journaling
- Reading
- Completing some work for clients
- Talking with friends and loved ones on the phone and on Skype
Friday, July 08, 2011
On Waiting
A year ago, I was in a position where I was newly single and, frankly, a little lost. I realized in the weeks following that breakup that most of the plans I had laid out for my life were in some way tangled up in the success of the relationship I'd just ended. "Now what?", I wondered. How was I going to see those plans through as a thirty-something single woman? Was it even possible? And did I still want to see them through after all?
I started contemplating what I wanted my future to look like. The possibilities were endless, but the one thing I knew was that I didn't want to spend the rest of my life simply waiting. I'd done enough of that. If I had to wait for my dreams to come true, it wasn't going to be a passive observer of my life. I was going to wait actively this time. No more holding on to hope without taking any action.
Slowly but surely I started moving forward. Yes, I wanted to get married and have a family. Yes, I wanted to work for myself. And, surprisingly, yes, I wanted to become a yoga teacher. But those things wouldn't happen on their own. The first step I took was signing up for that 200-hour yoga teacher training. Then I worked out a budget and started saving more money as a cushion for when I finally take the leap into freelance. I even signed up for an online dating service so I could "get back on the horse", so to speak, and start meeting new people.
For the first time in my life, or at least in a really long time, I felt like I was living. Rather than watching my life pass by while I waited on things to change or get better, I was actually making things happen. A year later, I can honestly say that I have had the best year of my adult life so far.
This may sound silly, but I think somewhere along the way I'd forgotten how to really LIVE. Sure, I was breathing, eating, working, sleeping, and even playing. But I wasn't really experiencing most of it. I was too focused on all those things that I wanted so badly, all the things that were going to happen in the future. When I started choosing what I would do each day, paying closer attention to the individual moments and allowing the future to unfold as I took steps toward my goals, I saw how much I had been missing, how little I'd been participating in my own life.
Now that I finally know how to truly participate in life, reaching and striving toward my dreams without losing sight of the present moment, I'm looking forward to many, many more years like the one I've just had. Waiting doesn't have to mean standing still. I'd rather spend that time flying.
Posts
