Cleaning Out the Closet

I've been holding on to pre-baby clothes (from the thinnest period of my life) for five years. Five. Freaking. Years.

At first, I was hopeful to be back in them by the time my oldest was a year old. Then I was pregnant with my second...and now he's almost three and I'm at the heaviest weight I've ever been. 

I'm working on that. But it's tough feeding myself well and squeezing in exercise with two little ones who require so much attention and love and care--all of which I want to heap on them every available minute. So getting my body healthy and strong again is a process and I'm trying to be positive about it. 

Still, every time I opened my closet (or even thought about it because I knew the clothes were in there) I felt miserable. I felt angry and upset with myself. I felt sad that I'm not able to wear those clothes, because I really loved some of them.

For some reason, though, today I decided it was time to change that. I suddenly felt like it was time to let those clothes go.

So with my boys' help, I pulled out every last piece of "skinny" clothing and packed it into a box for Goodwill or set it aside to sell. It was a little like a funeral, saying goodbye to all those dresses and shirts I loved. But it was also cathartic. It was like I was releasing all the negative feelings I had been holding in. 

I feel like I can finally move forward instead of dwelling in the past. And that feels pretty amazing.

Mirror, Mirror

object mirror object by Emilie is licensed under CC BY 2.0

I've never been a fan of the mirror. Even at my thinnest, I wasn't one to spend much time checking my reflection. But in the last few weeks I've realized that for months (maybe even years) I've been avoiding the mirror.

I don't know when I stopped looking in the mirror. It wasn't a conscious decision. It just happened. My mirror avoidance developed as quickly and quietly as the pounds packed on.

Of course I glance at my face as I wash or apply lotion. I sometimes check my outfit to make sure there aren't any hand prints or stains on my clothes. But I won't linger. I won't really LOOK at my reflection.

Why? What am I afraid of?

I'm afraid of the thoughts that might arise as I scan my body, recognizing curves that have become rounder and fuller than they were a few years ago. I'm ashamed and embarrassed by what my body has become.

I know that's not what I'm supposed to think. I know it's not how I'm supposed to feel about this body that has created life, that has carried me through challenges and adventures and tragedies alike. I know I'm supposed to love my body just as it is. But right now, I just can't. Or at least until now, I haven't been able to.

Today, I stood in front of the mirror before I got into the shower. I looked--really looked--at my body. This is what I saw: a round face that looks tired but happy; shoulders that keep creeping up toward my ears instead of relaxing down my back; a chest that is rounder and hangs lower than ever before; a belly that droops over a long scar, hiding the evidence that babies formed and grew inside me; thighs that overlap and rub against one another; ankles that are like tree trunks and feet that are wide and flat from years of bearing the weight above them.

This is all what IS. I'm doing my best not to judge it. It is my body after growing two healthy boys. It is my body after several years of stress, overwhelm, poor eating, lack of exercise and minimal self-care. This is where I am now. It does not have to be where I end up.

I worry, though, that I've let things go too far. I fear I've forgotten how to be healthy. I wonder if there's really time and energy to take care of myself, to plan healthy meals (and cook them), to exercise and practice yoga on more than an occasional basis.

I still have to try. My body is begging me. I feel so heavy and uncomfortable. I lack energy and I'm irritable. I realize I can't change what has already happened. I can only change what I do and feel from here forward.

And so today I choose to go to the gym. Today I choose to eat healthier than yesterday. Today I choose to stand in front of the mirror and look at my body without judgement.

With each day, hopefully, I can rebuild those healthier habits. I can do one thing to take care of myself. I can learn to look in the mirror and see my body through a lens of appreciation again, no matter what the scale says and no matter what size my pants are.

I will do my best today. That's all I can do.

Bifocals

Things have started getting pretty blurry. It happened slowly, so I didn't really even notice. Then one day, after cussing out my contacts for not working, it occurred to me that my vision just might have changed over the last...has it really been 5 years since my last eye exam???

I sat in the chair while the eye doctor prepared to check my vision, and without my contacts in I couldn't even read the lowest line of letters projected onto the wall in front of me. I'd been living my life with blurry vision for YEARS without even noticing. Or rather, without paying any attention.

As the doctor flipped through the levels of correction and answered "Better or worse?" over and over again, things began to get clearer. I could again see the clean edges of the letters in front of me. I could identify all the letters on the smallest of lines.

When he was finished, the doctor rolled his chair to his desk and began typing notes into his computer. Then he turned to me and said, "Well, you need bifocals."

I must have had a shocked look on my face, because he quickly added, "It usually happens around 40. You only need a very low magnification. Look for +1.00 reading glasses to use when you're wearing your contacts. You can get them at any drug store these days."

As I ordered my new frames and lenses, the salesman asked if I'd like "progressives" or traditional lenses with the line. "No line, please. I'd like to at least pretend I don't need bifocals."

He gave me an obligatory chuckle and wrote up my order. I obviously wasn't the first one to say such a thing.

A week later, wearing my new progressive (ha!) glasses, things are a little wobbly. I'm adjusting to a visual field that changes magnification with the movement of my eyes. I almost fell down the stairs the other day, because my depth perception was a bit off as I looked down through the "reading" portion of my lenses.

If I forget I'm wearing them and tip my head up as I'm looking toward the distance, things become blurry and distorted and my head begins to hurt. But if I tip my head down and gaze through the tops of the lenses, things become clear again, better defined. I can't help wondering if getting these progressive lenses is a reminder that there are different ways to look at the world. Maybe they're reteaching me that what we see in front of us varies depending on what angle we use to look at it.

Maybe wearing bifocals isn't such a bad thing after all. Maybe it's just the vision adjustment I needed to start seeing things clearly again.

Starbucks Kindness

Coffee by Cheryl Foong is licensed under CC BY 2.0

This morning, I dropped my oldest at school and headed to the nearby Starbucks, where I’ve started setting up my mobile office for a couple of hours on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I got in line and studied the menu, deciding on a Chai Latte and waiting my turn. 

I listened to the young woman in front of me order an herbal tea. “Wait, do you guys have coffee? Just regular coffee?” she asked. Her clothing was dirty and she was wearing too many layers for even this cool morning.

The barista looked up from the register with a small smile and said, “Yeah, we have coffee.”

“Okay, can you make it sweet?” She mirrored his smile and I saw how pretty she was. Maybe 20 years old, she clutched a plastic bag with what I assumed were her only possessions. Or maybe simply the most important ones.

“Sure, hot or iced?” he asked.

“No ice, just regular hot coffee. Sweet.”

The barista grabbed a cup and began marking it with her order. The older woman standing in front of her smiled and waited to pay, and I realized she was planning to buy this young woman’s drink. Once the older woman’s order was rung up, she said, “Oh, I'm getting hers, too.”

The barista waved his hand and said, “Oh no, we’ve got it. Thank you for your kindness.”

And that was it. The generosity of one woman became a gift from Starbucks instead.

So today, when I woke up too late and had to rush through our morning routine, when I feel a bit overwhelmed and under-motivated, suddenly I am warmed by a simple act of giving.

I am reminded to be kind. Do good. Love others, even in their mess, even in the smallest of ways. It will always matter. And the rest—the hurt, the overwhelm, the craziness and difficulty—will begin to feel a little…less. 

Sugar, You Have No Power Over Me

Sugar by Moyen Brenn is licensed under CC BY 2.0

Thanks to a little nudge from my sister-in-law, I started a 21 Day Sugar Detox five days ago. 

I wasn't well prepared, but I was motivated. My diet has been less than stellar for, oh, four years-ish. Basically, since I was pregnant with my oldest little one I've been choosing to give in to every craving that comes along. 

Not the best way to stay healthy--during pregnancy or otherwise. 

So when my SIL asked if I wanted to join her in giving up sugar, and pretty much all carbs, I said "Hell yes!" Okay, I wasn't quite that excited, but I did say I'd give it an honest go. 

The first four days were easy. Like so easy that I thought, Why didn't I do this sooner?!? Who needs sugar?

Then I woke up this morning and all I could think of was toast and bagels and lightly sweetened cereal. I was tired of eggs. I wanted my Sunday chocolate croissant from the Farmer's Market, for god's sake!

But I'm plugging my way through the day, snacking on turkey slices and cheese sticks and carrots. I know I can do this. I know I'll feel better once I get through this first week. I know there's a light at the end of the tunnel. 

I also know that I may only be a few days into this study of my self, but my choice to lose the sugar has already taught me a few things. 

1. Cravings will pass. I probably knew this already, somewhere in the back of my sugar-addicted brain, but I'm remembering that when a craving strikes it will eventually go away. It's not going to stick around forever and if I can get past that initial drive to locate chocolate at all costs, I can make it through the day/week/month. 

2. I eat for all the wrong reasons. When I eliminated the option to munch on whatever I wanted throughout the day, it became abundantly clear that much of what I was eating was not for nourishment. I wasn't eating because I was hungry. I was eating out of habit, to stave off boredom or to deal with stress. Not all the time, but often. 

3. Treats are meant to be treats. Until this detox, I'd basically stopped saying no to treats like ice cream and chips and cookies. If they were around, or I was craving them, I'd eat them. After not having any sweets or other junk for a few days, my mind has cleared a bit and I've realized that I don't have to give those things up forever. But when I do have them, they should be a treat. Not something I eat every day or night just because that's my routine. 

They may seem like simple lessons, and this detox may seem like an extreme measure to learn them, but sometimes we (or at least *I*) need a strong kick in the pants to change track. Removing nearly all carbs from my diet for three weeks won't be simple, and it's obviously not a permanent fix, but I'm positive it will readjust my perspective on food and change some of my eating habits for the better. Until I get completely back on track, I can remind myself when I'm jonesing for potato chips that I'm choosing to be a healthier version of me. 

So This is 40...

40 Austin's 13th Birthday 2012-Edit by Meredith Bell is licensed under CC BY 2.0

I hadn't been thinking much about it. It's honestly been the last thing on my mind. But this month, I turned 40. The big 4-0.

I'm suddenly at mid-life and now that it's really hitting me, I'm freaking out! Sure, I've done a lot in my 40 years. But what have I really accomplished? What do I still want to do? Will I ever realize those dreams I keep talking about?

I've traveled, but I want to travel more. I want to see new places, experience new cultures and show my children how big the world really is.

I've built relationships that have lasted through some tough times and I've lost some friends along the way, too. I want to continue to nourish those friendships and connections that are meaningful. And I want to release the ones that hurt too much or are too exhausting to manage.

I got married, I became a mother and together with Hubby I created a family. I want to continue to build that family by investing time and energy into it. I want to be present in their presence and I want to feed not just their bellies but their souls.

I've written, but not enough for my liking. I want to invest time in my passion. I want to write things that touch the hearts of others. I want use my writing to connect with new friends and change lives in both the biggest and smallest ways.

I've learned something new--about life, love, myself, the world--with every passing day and year. I want to continue to learn each day, knowing that with every lesson comes the responsibility to teach others.

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I've loved and I've been unkind. I want to love more, to have compassion for those that need it and kindness toward even the most unkind I encounter. I want to rise above the reactions of others and trust that if I act out of love and kindness my life will also be filled with love and kindness.

I've lost weight and I've gained it again (thanks to two back-to-back pregnancies and the choice to give in to every. single. craving.). I want to create a life of healthy habits again and find that balance between obsession and resignation. I will choose foods and activities that nourish me. I will take the time I need to care for myself, as well as my family. And if all that results in a smaller waistline, I'll take that, too.

If I accomplish even a few of these things in the next 40 years, I think I'll have done well in my time on this Earth. Here's to 40 more!

Expanding in 2016

HK 2016 Countdown by Calvin YC is licensed under CC BY 2.0

It’s noon on January 1, 2016 and I’m sitting in the Odyssey with my lap desk crammed between my belly and the steering wheel, working on my first blog post in who knows how long while the Jellybean snores quietly behind me. 

I don’t even dare look at the date on my last post for fear I’ll start beating myself up for my lack of consistency, my lack of focus, my lack of commitment, my inability to use my time wisely. Frankly, all that beating takes too much time and energy.

So I’m sitting here. Writing. Even though there are a million other things I could be doing. Even though I'm worried no one is reading anymore. Even though I'm SO tired and would like to close my eyes and start snoring quietly, too.

It’s hard to keep coming back to the blank page, but this year I’m doing it. I’m making my creative pursuits a priority. I'm done making excuses and I'm ready to be the writer I keep saying I am.

With that in mind, my word for 2016--my mantra, if you will--is EXPAND. This year I will:

Expand my boarders. 

I’ll push through the walls I’ve built out of fear and pursue the dreams I’ve been forming in my mind. I’ll find growth in choosing to see boarders as flexible and transparent.

Expand my creativity. 

I’ll write, take pictures, color in coloring books, read, visit art museums and learn from other artists. And I’ll learn from my children as they revel in their own creativity before anyone tells them to be grown and serious.

Expand my vision. 

I’ll dream bigger and let my imagination run wild. I’ll write down goals, create vision boards and live with my eyes wide open, looking for opportunities to take more chances and make more space for successes.

Expand my yoga practice. 

I’ll get on my mat and I’ll sit in stillness. I’ll be present and I’ll share my heart with my family, my friends and with new acquaintances.

Now that I’ve shared a bit about my goals for 2016, I’d love to hear what your goals are for the year. What is your word for 2016? What will you do to make this year your best year yet?

What I've Been Writing (When I've Been Able to Write)

"Multitasker, Duplo-Thinkpad" by Thomas Angermann is licensed under CC BY 2.0

I'm aiming to blog more frequently, and I suppose I have to start somewhere. So here I am.

I've said it before, and I'm saying it again: I have a million ideas for blog posts, but finding the time to think them through and type them up is a challenge, to say the least. When you're raising a freelance business along side a family, especially when that family includes two Littles under three, getting anything other than the necessities done is a miracle. (I don't use that term lightly here. I truly believe it's miraculous when I manage to clean the bathroom before it's a disgusting mess that demands cleaning.)

Right now, I have fifteen minutes to write this post. I'm squeezing blogging in between three hours of freelance work and a long list of household tasks I hope to get done before picking up the boys at the sitter. Fifteen minutes doesn't leave room for much thought or editing, but it's enough to get things started. It's enough to move myself forward and to begin. I may not finish in that time, but I'm making progress, and that's better than letting this site sit stagnant while I wish and hope for time to write more, blog more, do more.

Right now, my life is revolving around the mantra: What You Can, When You Can. If you're a busy gal (or guy) who's trying to make any sort of life changes and you haven't heard this mantra, or don't know about the #wycwyc (wick-wick) movement, you should definitely check it out. (I have more to say about this later, but for now, this will have to suffice.)

Speaking of freelance work (I know, worst segue ever!): I've been blogging for The Penny Hoarder and am loving the opportunity to write about ways that SAHMs and WAHMs can make and save more money. Those are topics that I'm pretty passionate about these days, as we live on a limited budget ourselves and are trying to make a move into a bigger house in a better neighborhood. If you're interested in what I've been writing, or just want tips on saving money (or making more of it), check out the pieces I've published so far:

• Walmart Hacks: 8 Ways to Save Even More Money on Groceries
• Reduce, Reuse, and Recycle: 11 Earth-Friendly Ways to Save Money
• Love Don't Cost a Thing: 11 Cheap Date Ideas for Cash-Strapped Parents
• Going Back to Work After Staying Home with the Kids? Avoid the "Motherhood Penalty"
• 10 Fun Summer Activities for Kids That Won't Break Your Budget
• 7 Low-Cost Ways to Throw an Awesome Kid's Birthday Party

In addition to blogging for other sites, I'm doing some technical writing and editing, along with a bit of virtual assistant-style work for a content management consultant. It's a good variety for right now and I enjoy each job for different reasons. 

And with that, my time is up. The kitchen calls, with it's dirty dishes and floor that needs mopping. With any luck (er, I mean, lots of planning) I'll be back soon with another post. Until then:

Where can you free up a little time to do the things you REALLY want to do? What can you start NOW, right this minute? What can you make a little progress on, even if you know you won't finish?

The WHENs and the NOWs

"Clock" by Dineshraj Goomany is licensed under CC BY 2.0.
 

A short time ago, an internet friend sent me a link to an essay she'd tried to read. "This essay is SO DREADFUL," she said. "Can you believe she's a published author?"

After reading the essay (all of it) myself, I sent her a note back. It hadn't seemed THAT dreadful to me. I had, in fact, been able to connect with the writer through her essay, but only after I pushed through a flowery beginning and waded through some roughly worded paragraphs to get to the point: Motherhood is hard and sometimes we need a break, even if that break isn't doing what we'd really love to be doing. At least that's the point I took away from it. (This may say more about where I'm at in my life than about the author's intent and skill, though.)

As I responded to my friend, I found myself thinking a thought I'd had plenty of times before. If this author could publish such a poorly written essay, why can't I get published?

The answer wasn't far behind: Because you're not writing.

That's not entirely true. I have a couple of freelance jobs going, but they're more editing and formatting than writing. I'm writing this blog post--right here, right now. And I'm always jotting notes for the books and stories and essays I want to write WHEN. You know: WHEN.

WHEN I have time.

WHEN the kids are older.

WHEN I'm not so tired.

WHEN the house is clean.

WHEN I'm a better writer.

I know you have them, too. They may not be the same as mine, but I'm sure you have your own WHENs. WHENs are those things that hold us back before we even get started. They give us room to wait, when what we really need to be doing is plowing forward, pushing the WHENs to the side and experiencing the NOWs.

When I sit down to write, finally taking advantage of one of the many short-but-quiet moments life lends me each day, I realize there are NOWs waiting for me.

NOW this feels right.

NOW I have so many stories to tell.

NOW I can write while the kids are napping.

NOW I don't care if the house is clean.

NOW I'm a writer.

The words flow and the negative Inner Editor quiets down, if only for a few minutes. I put words to page and feel that rush of relief and the peace of knowing I'm doing what makes me alive, happy, full.

I realize in those moments that the WHENs are just excuses to stay stuck in the daily grind, in the self-doubt and discontent. Once I start writing despite the WHENs, I find the NOWs were waiting for me all along.

What are your WHENs? How can you move into the NOW?

On Loving Me

Lately, I get most of my reading material from my Facebook newsfeed. Thanks to a widely varied friends list plus my own varied list of Page likes, I get to read about everything from yoga to politics to parenting on any give day. Today, I clicked on one of those shared pieces and it touched me so deeply that I immediately came to my blog to respond.

You see, I can deeply relate to Joni. No, I've never had a six-pack stomach. But I have worked hard to reach a smaller pants size. I did get to a point where I felt happy--with my body (which was not at my goal weight but was comfortable and strong and healthy) and my life. 

These days, I spend a lot of energy beating myself up for all the weight I gained during my recent pregnancies and for my lack of self-discipline to lose that weight now. I see pictures of that body I'd worked so hard for and I want to cry. I loved that body. I was so proud of that accomplishment, of my commitment to my health and well-being. And now I want to get that health and fitness back, but I can barely find the time or energy to take a 10 minute shower much less exercise for an hour. 

So I call myself fat and lazy and undisciplined, and my body stays the same. I look in the mirror and berate myself for allowing things to get this far, even though I know I should love my body as it is, right now, for all the things it can do and has done over the last few years. 

Then I read Joni's piece and I felt my heart warm toward my self, toward my body and my crazy-busy-wonderful life. No, my body is not at it's peak fitness or health. No, I am not as active as I'd like to be. But I do have a strong body, a body that carried and nourished two babies. I am a mother who chases and plays with her toddler and who does her best to teach them healthy habits.

I am who I am and how I am, right now. I won't be that person tomorrow or next month or next year, because I am always changing and growing. But every day I will look at myself in the mirror and I will send myself love rather than disappointment and negativity. And from that love, change will come. 

Confessions of a Terrible Mother

I have something to admit. Something I hate to even type, much less say out loud. Being the perfectionist that I am, I can barely bring myself to think it. But here it is:

Some days I wonder if I was really meant to be a mother. 

There. I said it. 

For as long as I can remember I've wanted to be a mom. I have never imagined my future without children, a family. And yet some days, when I'm losing my patience and nearing my boiling point with my spirited (read: stubborn, smart, challenging) toddler, I wonder if I was really cut out for the job I so willingly took on. 

Maybe I've made plans to hit the playground and story time at the library, but it's 2 PM and I have yet to get myself dressed after a morning of time-outs. Maybe I woke up with the goal of (finally) getting the laundry washed and folded, but am climbing into bed without even washing my hair much less the mountains of dirty clothes that just keep growing. 

Days like these (and oh-so-many other examples) make me feel like a complete failure as a mother. The voice in my head tells me I should be able to do it all, to keep the house running, keep the kids fed and entertained, keep it all together. But almost every day I go to bed reciting a mental list of all the thing I did wrong--or didn't do at all. 

I try to remind myself that I'm only one person. I listen as Hubby tells me I'm doing fine, doing all I can. Still the voice needles me, telling me I can--and should--be doing better. 

"Your toddler doesn't listen to a word you say. You need to teach him to be obedient," it says.  

"You didn't do the dishes today? Tomorrow you have to wash them and put them away."

"Why can't you make time for your writing? If you really wanted it you'd find the time."

Over and over these thoughts run through my head and I start to feel overwhelmed and under-accomplished. I wonder how someone who wanted something so badly could be so utterly terrible at it. 

And then my toddler comes over to me and says, "Snuggle the mommy," asking to curl up with me for some cuddle time. He kisses me and tells me he loves me and holds my hand and I realize I can't be as terrible as I think I am at this parenting thing. I do the best I'm able to do, and at the end of the day that's what matters. 

Am I going to mess something up every day: get angry, skip chores, fail at being perfect. Absolutely. But as I snuggle up with my toddler I realize I'm not messing up nearly as badly as that voice in my head wants me to believe.

Stepping Out

Tomorrow I'm scheduled to be at a local conference for writers. I've paid my registration fee. I've organized schedules so that Hubby is available to spend the day with the Peanut. I've pulled out my business cards, even if they do have my maiden name on them, and dusted off my rarely used tablet. I'm as ready as I can be for a full day of networking and learning.

But it's been a couple of years since I've mingled with other writers or attended a conference. I'm completely out of the writer's loop--and that scares the crap out of me. I feel like a newbie walking into a room full of strangers. I'm not sure who will be there of those I used to see regularly, and I'm sure there will be plenty of new faces. Will the regulars remember me? Will I remember them? Will I feel welcome, as though I'd never disappeared from their circle, or will it be as though I'm a new writer all over again?

I'm nervous, to say the least, but I'm excited, too. There's something inspiring and motivating about being around a group of fellow creatives, and I'm already preparing to soak up all that energy. I've roped a writer friend into coming with me, and this will be her first conference experience, so I'm also looking forward to being her introduction to the local writing scene.

In the spirit of being optimistic, I'm reminding myself of tips I've given to others in the past, back in the days when I attended writing events frequently:

1. Network, network, network. I'll try to talk to as many people as I can. I'll introduce myself to whomever I find myself sitting or standing next to and I'll introduce my friend to anyone I meet. I'll exchange contact information with each of them, on the off chance that we might be able to help one another in the future.

2. Follow up. I'll make sure to be in contact with every person whose contact information I collect within a couple weeks of the conference. I want to reconnect with the writing community and this is a great way to begin building relationships again.

3. Take notes. I won't just be taking notes on the sessions I attend. I'll also make sure to take notes on the back of business cards so that I remember something significant about each person I meet. This will help when I write those follow-up emails later.

4. Ask questions. People like to talk about themselves and their projects, and what you hear when you ask questions will tell you a lot about the people you meet. I'm a firm believer that if you ask questions and listen closely, you'll learn more than you would in any classroom.

5. Be prepared to answer questions about yourself. Have a pitch about the book you're working on. Know what "you do" so that when the inevitable question comes up you can quickly respond with a succinct summary of the types of work you do.

6. Be open. More than anything I want to be open to whatever I'm supposed to learn and whomever I'm supposed to meet at this conference. I believe that an openness to creativity, thoughts, and people will help me to get the most out of the experience. Opportunities and ideas can abound it I'm ready for them.

Wish me luck as I wade back into the world of writers!

Book Spotlight: Make Freelancing REALLY Pay

Since I'm in the throws of building my freelance career alongside being a full-time mom, I'm always on the lookout for resources to help me be a better freelance writer. When I was approached to check out Make Freelancing REALLY Pay by Daisy McCarty, I was immediately intrigued.  Today I have a guest post from the author to share.

There's also a great giveaway at the end of the post, so read on for your chance to win!

Guest Post: Daisy McCarty

What Is Feedback Worth to Freelance Writers?
Getting feedback as a writer can be uncomfortable. But it’s also one of the best ways to improve your skills so you can actually get paid for what you do. Of course, not all ways of seeking feedback are equally effective. Here are some pitfalls to avoid and what to do instead:

If You Can’t Say Something Nice…
Some freelancers visit local writers’ group in the hopes that it will improve their writing skills. Sadly, offering any type of constructive criticism in such settings is often viewed as inappropriate. While a supportive and encouraging environment is nice, it isn’t going to help you increase the value of your writing services or boost your income. That’s why online forums and groups (such as those on LinkedIn) are often more helpful for freelancers. People can sometimes be unkind online, but a virtual discussion group may also offer other professional writers the chance to be frank about areas of your writing that need improvement. This feedback will help toughen your hide for encounters with clients, where you really need to be able to keep your cool.

The “Work for Free” Trap
In one of the more controversial chapters in my book, Make Freelancing REALLY Pay, I advise freelance writers to avoid working for free. Even if it’s for a good cause or to get “exposure”, the practice of giving away your services for nothing (agreeing that your writing has no monetary value) is very damaging. Once you’ve established that pattern, it’s tough to start charging profitable rates for your writing. Why do I bring this up? I have seen other freelancers advise new writers to write for magazines for free so they can get feedback from editors about their work. I completely agree that having a professional editor go over your work and offer suggestions for improvement is valuable. But I think it’s so valuable that you should actually hire your own editor as a writing coach. When you pay an editor, their focus is on making you a better writer to meet your career goals. Then, once you know that your writing meets excellent standards, you can approach clients with more confidence and charge a respectable rate.

Don’t Wait for “Feed-back” – Get “Feed-front”
Listening to feedback you receive from a client after you’ve submitted a first draft is essential for freelance success. However, an even more important step is obtaining as much guidance as possible up front. Soliciting information during a verbal or emailed discussion before you start writing will make you a much more productive writer. As an example: for web content projects, I often include one free revision per page in my bid price. About half the time, my clients ask for no revisions at all – even on large projects. Since I bid on a per project basis, this means I’m making more money per hour of work. Over time, I’ve developed a good idea of the kinds of things clients tend to leave out of their initial project description or bid request. I’ve turned these common “missing elements” into a questionnaire template that clients can fill out at the onset of a project to give me as much direction as possible. As a result, the most common feedback I hear from clients is “Great job!”

Final Note: Wherever you turn for feedback, be sure to run it through your internal “relevance filter” instead of taking it at face value. While a client may be correct about what they need for their project, that doesn’t mean you should apply the same feedback to projects for other clients. Always be willing to listen to new perspectives!

About the Author:
Daisy McCarty is a self-educated writer and co-founder of Freelance Text, a professional services firm that specializes in web content creation. Since transitioning out of a seven year career in Corporate Procurement in 2008, Daisy has been using her negotiating skills to navigate to the higher levels of the online writing industry. Today, she mentors informally at Professional Freelancers Network, and offers formal one-on-one consulting services to freelancers who are ready to increase their income. Her latest book is Make Freelancing REALLY Pay: Communication and Negotiation Strategies That Take You to the Top. 

You can read Daisy’s blog and get more great freelancing advice at http://makefreelancingpay.com.

Connect & Socialize with Daisy!
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ENTER TO WIN!
Pump Up Your Book and Daisy McCarty are teaming up to give you a chance to win one of (5) $25 Amazon Gift Cards & one of (5) 1 hour sessions of consulting services! Terms & Conditions:

• By entering the giveaway, you are confirming you are at least 18 years old 
• Ten winners will be chosen via Rafflecopter to receive one of five $25 Amazon Gift Cards or one of five one hour sessions of consulting services 
• This giveaway begins December 2 and ends December 27. 
• Winners will be announced on this page and contacted via email on Monday, December 30, 2013. 
• Winner has 48 hours to reply. Good luck everyone! 

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Book Spotlight: Hypothyroidism, Health and Happiness

After the Peanut was born, I found I was having some strange symptoms and I couldn't put my finger on what might be causing them. Some routine blood work indicated that I was considered "borderline hypothyroid". After a visit to the endocrinologist, I was diagnosed with post-partum thyroiditis and Hashimoto's disease. Right around the same time, I heard about Dr. Hotze's book, Hypothyroidism, Health and Happiness.

Below is a spotlight on his book. I'm looking forward to reading it in the near future and learning more about how I can treat my hypothyroidism in the best way for my life and my body.

ABOUT HYPOTHYROIDISM, HEALTH AND HAPPINESS

Have you ever thought to yourself, “I think I might have a thyroid problem. I’m tired all the time, no matter how much I exercise, I can’t seem to lose weight, my hair’s falling out, and overall I just feel blah.” If so, it is essential that you explore the very real possibility that indeed, you do have hypothyroidism. In Hypothyroidism, Health & Happiness, Dr. Steven Hotze reveals how commonly hypothyroidism is overlooked, misdiagnosed, and mistreated in women and men, and gives you just the information you need to prepare yourself to obtain help.

Too often, individuals with all the signs of low thyroid are prevented from accessing the simple, inexpensive and effective treatment for hypothyroidism. Instead, they are told their blood work is “normal.” Find out why they owe it to themselves to believe what their bodies are telling them, rather than the results of their blood tests.

Dr. Hotze has been on a mission to get this message into the hands of women and men, particularly those in midlife, for more than 20 years. The answers you will find in this book about the signs, symptoms and treatment of low thyroid conditions are no longer a part of the conventional medical approach to hypothyroidism.

Inside, you will learn:

• The historical basis for identifying and treating hypothyroidism
• Underlying causes of hypothyroidism
• Clinical signs and symptoms that may mean you have hypothyroidism
• The little-used thyroid blood test that identifies thyroid disorders in spite of a “normal” TSH
• Other individuals just like you who are now healthy, well, and thriving
• Simple at-home test you can do as a starting point towards discovering if you have low thyroid
• And more

Dr. Hotze has a saying, “If you are sick and tired of being sick and tired, then you owe it to yourself to take charge of your health and get your life back.” By arming yourself with the information in this book you can take the first step towards restoring your health, transforming your life and improving your world.

ABOUT DR. STEVEN HOTZE

Steven F. Hotze, M.D., is the founder and CEO of the Hotze Health & Wellness Center, Physician’s Preference and Hotze Pharmacy. His goal is to change the way women and men are treated in midlife through the use of bioidentical hormone therapy. His 8-Point Treatment Regimen has helped thousands of individuals to get on a path of health and wellness and enjoy a better quality of life in an environment of extraordinary hospitality and guest service.

Dr. Hotze is the author of the book, “Hormones, Health, and Happiness”. In it he describes his journey from using pharmaceutical drugs to actively listening to his patients and treating the root cause of their symptoms through natural approaches. “For an acute illness, such as strep throat or a sinus infection, the drug approach may be appropriate. However, few patients with chronic ailments ever really get well by taking drugs. How can they? Chronic illness and disease are not caused by deficiencies of prescription drugs.”

Suzanne Somers dedicated an entire chapter to Dr. Hotze in her New York Times best seller, “Breakthrough”. “This Texan doctor is going to steal your heart,” writes Somers. “He has so much energy he can’t wait to get to his office each day. He has built up a practice that is the envy of doctors everywhere.”

Dr. Hotze has appeared on hundreds of television and radio shows across the nation, including ABC, NBC, CBS, and FOX affiliates, and CBS’ The Morning Show. He is also a regular guest on the KHOU Channel 11 morning program, Great Day Houston.

Dr. Hotze is a member of the American Academy of Otolaryngic Allergy and the Association of American Physicians and Surgeons, and is former president of the Pan American Allergy Society.
You can listen to Dr. Hotze and his colleagues on his radio program, “Health and Wellness Solutions”, which airs Monday-Thursday on KSEV 700 AM in Houston from 12-1 p.m. CST, or online on this website. – See more at: http://www.hotzehwc.com/en-US/Health-Wellness-Center.aspx#sthash.jKocO34s.dpuf


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On Passion and Purpose

Today I watched delightedly (and belatedly) while Damaris Phillips cried tears of joy as she was named this season's Food Network Star. I'm a sucker for these types of competition shows, be it Cupcake Wars or Design Star or, back in the earlier seasons, American Idol. I love a good competition and, finally, I've figured out why.

There's a passion and dedication that oozes out of the competitors. Each person who has made it to the televised competition has convinced judges that they have what it takes to be a star. Their love of what they do shines and drives them to be the best, to make their dreams come true.

That passion inspires me. Seeing people pursue what they love publicly, with as much effort and commitment as they possibly can makes me want to do the same. But sometimes it makes me check myself.

Could I leave my family for weeks at a time in order to get a job done? Could I stay up late every night, knowing I'd only get a couple of hours of sleep, so that I could develop ideas and work on manuscripts? Could I choose my writing over my friendships and marriage? Should I? Do I have to? Do I want to?

These questions run through my head all the time. Especially now that my free time, my writing time, is so very, very limited. I spend so little time writing these days that I wonder: Do I have the passion that I need to write the stories that are brewing inside me every day? Is it really my purpose to do so?

And then I sit down at my computer on the rare occasion that I have set aside some writing time, and the words start to flow. The ideas percolate and they spill out onto the page. I may not get much done, but that feeling of fervor, of desire and NEED, bubbles up inside of me and I think, "Yes. I have the passion. This IS my purpose."

Even when I'm not writing--when my days have become so full of diaper changes, baby play, and household chores that I'm way too exhausted to squeeze in even the tiniest bit of writing--that passion lingers. My spirit knows my purpose and I crave the opportunity to boot up the computer and put words together to make sentences that flow into paragraphs filled with meaning, paragraphs that pile up into stories that will touch someone else.

I look forward to those moments with longing and I know that, some day, I'll be the one displaying passion and purpose as I type on my keyboard, creating my newest work of literature. In the meantime, I'm directing that passion into my family, storing up stories that will find their way to the page when time allows. And I'm watching other people pursue their passions and live their dreams as a reminder that my dreams are still there, waiting to be realized.

Challenge: Stress Relief

I'm typing this post on my trusty iPhone while the Peanut is napping on my lap. It turns out when you're raising an infant you find all sorts of creative ways to get things done. It's taken some time (almost 10 months, to be exact), but I'm finally starting to figure things out.

I think. 

One of the things I miss most about my pre-baby life is my yoga practice. The physical challenge, the grounding and centering, the relaxation. If anyone could benefit from a consistent practice, certainly it's a new mom. Unfortunately, it's not always easy to make it happen. 

Instead of hour-and-a-half classes a few times a week, my yoga practice these days consists of a few deep breaths while nursing, a stolen Downward Dog and Child's Pose while the Peanut plays, and if I'm lucky, a pre-bed stretch or two. Enter The Sisterhood of the Shrinking Jeans and their Great Stress Relief Challenge. Stress relief? Um, yes, please! And I think the motivation of a challenge will help me to get my butt on my mat a few times a week again. 

What say you? Will you join me as I find my way back onto my mat? I'll be happy to answer any yoga questions you have. You can email me or comment here. And I will root you on, too. Just leave me a comment and let me know you're participating in the challenge!

Eighteen Again

Motherhood has taught me a lot of lessons in the few months since I joined the club, but the biggest one I'm learning is how to give myself a break. That's a hard lesson to learn when I've been beating myself up about my body for most of my life.

In the recent past, I managed to develop a positive self-image and I've had several years of self acceptance, which included a few years where I was wearing the smallest sizes I'd ever worn as an adult. But now I'm wearing an 18 again, and I'm none too happy about it. I find myself too quickly falling back into that well of negative self-talk, a place that I thought I'd climbed out of for good.

Don't get me wrong. I recognize that I gave birth less than a year ago, and that my body did an amazing thing, growing a human being and all. Unfortunately, now that he's heading swiftly toward his first birthday and I'm not even close to fitting into my pre-pregnancy clothes, I'm having a bit of trouble looking at myself in the mirror and thinking happy thoughts.

I know I shouldn't be too hard on myself, but I also know how hard I worked to fit into that size 8 dress a couple of years ago. I know that I made some poor choices while I was pregnant and gave into too many cravings.

I can't take back all the weight I gained while I was pregnant, but I can choose each day to work my way back toward that size 8. I've done it before, and while it might take a bit more effort now that I don't have a gym membership or hours that I can spend doing cardio and lifting weights, I know I can do it again. And I hope I can teach my son to have a healthy relationship with food and exercise along the way.

Recipe: Sloppy Lentils and Tangy Slaw

It's been a while since I posted a recipe here, but my niece has decided to be a vegetarian and her mom needed some protein-rich veg recipes that would satisfy the whole family. I gave her a list of my favorites, most of which I've already posted. This one happens to be easy and satisfies the occasional Sloppy Joe craving.

Sloppy Lentils
(Adapted from Fresh from the Vegetarian Slow Cooker)
Makes 4 to 6 servings

Ingredients

1 TBSP olive oil
1 medium yellow onion, chopped
1 small red or green pepper, seeded and chopped
1 TBSP chili powder
1 1/2 cups dried brown lentils, picked over and rinsed
One 14.5 oz can crushed tomatoes
3 cups water
2 TBSP soy sauce
1 TBSP yellow mustard
1 TBSP brown sugar
1 TBSP maple syrup
1 tsp salt
Black pepper to taste

Instructions

1. In a large skillet, heat the oil over medium heat. Add the onion and pepper and cook until softened, stirring occasionally. Add the chili powder and stir to mix well. Cook for 30 seconds more, then remove from heat.

2. Transfer the mixture to the slow cooker. Add the remaining ingredients and stir to combine. Cover and cook on Low for 8 hours.

Serve on burger buns and top with coleslaw (optional). I like to top mine with a tangy broccoli slaw (mix a bag of broccoli slaw with a tangy dressing made by whisking together about 1/4 cup light mayo, a TBSP soy sauce and TBSP rice vinegar).

The Perfect Moment

As if I haven’t had enough change in my life over the last couple of years, I’m about to take a huge risk. In two weeks, I say good-bye to my full-time employer and embark on the scariest, most exciting journey yet. I’ve been working for the same small government contractor for more than six years now. A core group of about ten employees has come to be like a family to me and I’m sad to see my last days with them come. Still, the excitement of something new is brewing.

I’ve often dreamed of being a stay-at-home mom and running my own business from home, but I never really thought it would be feasible. I just thought it would be nice. Then, one night when Jesse and I were going over the pros and cons of my staying home with our little one for the fourteenth time, Jesse said to me, “I’d hate for you to have this opportunity to do what you really want to do and not take it. I don’t want you to regret that.” Those words have echoed in my mind over and over again as the deadline for a decision got closer and closer. I knew what I really wanted and, with the support of my husband, I let it unfold for me.

There were a lot of reasons to walk away from a good-paying job: a long commute; my desire to nurse the baby for as long as I can; a lack of family in the area who could help with child care and a limited budget for daycare or a nanny; not wanting to miss any of those important early moments; and the chance to take a chance. But there were also a lot of reasons not to walk away: really good health insurance; professional relationships (and friendships); a respectable income; a career I’ve spent years building; and a fear of failing at something new. Despite the cons of leaving my job, deep down, I think I always knew what we would do. I never once looked into daycare for the baby, never once thought about how I would handle the logistics of working and raising a child.

Don’t get me wrong, a lack of independent wealth means this decision was not an easy one—we’re going to be cutting corners, clipping coupons and stretching budgets. I wouldn’t say we’ve decided to live off one income because we CAN. We’ve decided that it’s what we WANT and we’re going to make it happen.

For years I’ve been trying to build up the courage to do something different. I’ve been hemming and hawing, building a business in fits and starts while hoping that the perfect moment to take the leap would come. But it never did. Turns out there’s never really a perfect moment for anything. No perfect moment for falling in love. No perfect moment for having a baby. And no perfect moment for quitting a perfectly acceptable job with a significant and steady income to try something new, something unpredictable and a little unknown.

But we do these things anyway. We find ourselves in situations we didn’t expect or hadn’t planned and we make the best of them. In my experience, more often than not, we realize they’re the best things we could have ever done, anyway. The Universe has a better grasp on what we need (and want) than we do. Maybe every moment is a perfect moment if we choose to let it be.

So in two weeks, when I turn way from that steady, comfortable job, I will turn toward my dreams and I won’t look back. I will look forward, to precious time with my baby boy, to that novel that I’ve been sitting on, to the freelance work I’ve put on hold, to teaching more yoga (and practicing more, too). I’ll look forward to whatever is on the horizon, whether I can see it yet or not, and know that the timing of everything will be perfect.

Time Flies and Life is Good

I can't believe how quickly the last 6 months have gone by. I'm almost 30 weeks along, but it seems like just yesterday I was announcing the pending arrival of our bundle of joy. (I know that's cliche, but cliches are cliche for a reason.)


My pregnancy has been relatively uneventful, and I'm enjoying every phase of it. I had very little nausea early on, I was quite energetic in my second trimester, and the worst things I've dealt with so far are the occasional bouts of indigestion and some REALLY swollen feet on the hot, humid days that are becoming more and more frequent. All told, I'm very grateful to have had such a pleasant pregnancy.


The Peanut (a boy, it turns out) is growing bigger by the minute, and (to my chagrin) so am I. He's squirming and somersaulting all over the place and I love sitting or lying down and just feeling him move. Sometimes it makes me laugh out loud, and sometimes I'm in complete awe of what's happening inside me. I'm growing a human being, people! How weird and totally miraculous is that?!?


It's taken longer than I'd hoped, but we're finally starting to get the nursery ready. Furniture is arriving and the baby isn't going to wait forever, so it's time to get down to business. In the midst of doctors appointments and work and all the preparations for the Peanut, Jesse and I are settling into our own routine, getting used to living together and enjoying our quality time together, just the two of us, before the Peanut arrives.


Despite major loss and sadness this spring, and the normal challenges of life that seem to come our way when we feel least capable of handling them, I can't help but feel that life is good. The sun keeps rising. The fireflies flash their hopeful lights in the evening. The flowers bloom. A baby grows and a family is formed. 


Yeah, life is really, really good.