Wednesday, September 15, 2010

A Yogini in the Making

Three months ago, when I broke up with my boyfriend of six-and-a-half years, I braced myself for the anger and grief that I knew would follow. It washes over me, the way powerful emotion so often does, in waves that swell, crash and then recede. But under all of that painful emotion, there has been a glimmer of hope that I haven’t felt in a while.

I’d spent the last three years of our relationship denying my own desires for more attention and commitment, and putting goals on hold, imagining they’d be easier to achieve with a spouse by my side. I wished for a committed, reciprocal relationship with marriage and babies on the horizon. It wasn’t happening, though. And so finally, when the pain of waiting on The Ex became greater than the hope of some imagined future together, I decided to move on.

In my new-found freedom, not just from the relationship, but from the limits I’d put on myself while waiting on him, I decided to do something I’ve been considering for a couple of years now. I started doing some research, and without thinking too long about it, I filled out an application for a popular 200-hour yoga teacher training program that would fit into my schedule, and sent in my deposit.

The second guessing and self-doubt started almost immediately, but I held strong and the excitement for something new and life-changing quickly took over. I’ll be in training classes one weekend a month and will take at least three yoga classes a week throughout the eight months the training takes place. As the first training weekend approaches, my excitement is growing. I believe this experience is going to be powerful. My body will change, of course, as I immerse myself into regular, dedicated yoga practice. But I’m thinking beyond my body.

I’m feeling inspired in my writing after just a single class with the training instructor, and I expect that inspiration will only grow as I turn inward in my practice. I look forward to learning meditation techniques that will help me center and focus myself. My interest in the philosophy behind yoga is increasing, and I can’t wait to dig into the book list—fifteen texts, including everything from The Bhagavad Gita to an anatomy reference book to a guide to macrobiotic cooking—and start learning and exploring new ideas.

The intended end-result of this teacher training program is to earn a certificate that allows me to teach yoga to others. But I have a feeling I’m going to get more out of the next several months than I could even begin to imagine right now. For once, I’m not concerned about the unknowing. I’m happy to be taking a step forward, wherever that step may take me.

This piece was cross-posted at, where I'll be journaling about my experience as I learn to teach yoga (and become a more dedicated yoga student in the process).


Alexis Grant said...

So great, Ami! I love that you've found something new, even in your loss. The hardest parts of our lives often bring out the best in us. Can't wait to hear more about it.

Ami said...

Thanks, Lexi! I couldn't agree more that it's the tough times that bring out the best of who we are. I'm really enjoying learning more about myself.

Kayris said...

I'm sorry to hear about the boyfriend. But excited to hear about the yoga. What a great opportunity!!!

Kayris said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rebecca said...

oh my gosh! how exciting!!! i hear you about second guessing yourself..I'm constantly doing as I return to school or even try new things!

Ami said...

Kayris - Thanks! It's going to be a lot of work, but I'm really happy to be taking on the challenge.

Rebecca - I think we all tend to second guess ourselves. I'm doing it again this week. Learning how to be kind to myself and accept where I'm at is going to be a big lesson in all of this, I think. :)

The Paper Whisperer said...

Ami...whatever it was that "sent" me to your blog today couldn't have had better timing. I have chill bumps all over and could write a 3 page comment on your power to move forward. *UPROARIOUS APPLAUSE* I could also write 3 pages on the transformation that comes with the practice of Yoga (as told to me by my ex-MIL, who has been a teacher for 40 years). To thine own self be true!!! I pulled out all my Yoga tapes and plan to get in touch with my inner self as well...FULL ON! I don't even know you and yet I'M SO DAMN PROUD OF YOU!!!! Rock on witcha bad self!!!! Namaste!

Ami said...

TPW - Thank you so much for your encouragement. I'm so glad you "found" this post and left your thoughts for me to read. I have the best readers ever!

Clicky Web Analytics