Wednesday, February 11, 2015

On Loving Me

Lately, I get most of my reading material from my Facebook newsfeed. Thanks to a widely varied friends list plus my own varied list of Page likes, I get to read about everything from yoga to politics to parenting on any give day. Today, I clicked on one of those shared pieces and it touched me so deeply that I immediately came to my blog to respond.

You see, I can deeply relate to Joni. No, I've never had a six-pack stomach. But I have worked hard to reach a smaller pants size. I did get to a point where I felt happy--with my body (which was not at my goal weight but was comfortable and strong and healthy) and my life. 

These days, I spend a lot of energy beating myself up for all the weight I gained during my recent pregnancies and for my lack of self-discipline to lose that weight now. I see pictures of that body I'd worked so hard for and I want to cry. I loved that body. I was so proud of that accomplishment, of my commitment to my health and well-being. And now I want to get that health and fitness back, but I can barely find the time or energy to take a 10 minute shower much less exercise for an hour. 

So I call myself fat and lazy and undisciplined, and my body stays the same. I look in the mirror and berate myself for allowing things to get this far, even though I know I should love my body as it is, right now, for all the things it can do and has done over the last few years. 

Then I read Joni's piece and I felt my heart warm toward my self, toward my body and my crazy-busy-wonderful life. No, my body is not at it's peak fitness or health. No, I am not as active as I'd like to be. But I do have a strong body, a body that carried and nourished two babies. I am a mother who chases and plays with her toddler and who does her best to teach them healthy habits.

I am who I am and how I am, right now. I won't be that person tomorrow or next month or next year, because I am always changing and growing. But every day I will look at myself in the mirror and I will send myself love rather than disappointment and negativity. And from that love, change will come. 

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