So This is 40...

40 Austin's 13th Birthday 2012-Edit by Meredith Bell is licensed under CC BY 2.0

I hadn't been thinking much about it. It's honestly been the last thing on my mind. But this month, I turned 40. The big 4-0.

I'm suddenly at mid-life and now that it's really hitting me, I'm freaking out! Sure, I've done a lot in my 40 years. But what have I really accomplished? What do I still want to do? Will I ever realize those dreams I keep talking about?

I've traveled, but I want to travel more. I want to see new places, experience new cultures and show my children how big the world really is.

I've built relationships that have lasted through some tough times and I've lost some friends along the way, too. I want to continue to nourish those friendships and connections that are meaningful. And I want to release the ones that hurt too much or are too exhausting to manage.

I got married, I became a mother and together with Hubby I created a family. I want to continue to build that family by investing time and energy into it. I want to be present in their presence and I want to feed not just their bellies but their souls.

I've written, but not enough for my liking. I want to invest time in my passion. I want to write things that touch the hearts of others. I want use my writing to connect with new friends and change lives in both the biggest and smallest ways.

I've learned something new--about life, love, myself, the world--with every passing day and year. I want to continue to learn each day, knowing that with every lesson comes the responsibility to teach others.

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I've loved and I've been unkind. I want to love more, to have compassion for those that need it and kindness toward even the most unkind I encounter. I want to rise above the reactions of others and trust that if I act out of love and kindness my life will also be filled with love and kindness.

I've lost weight and I've gained it again (thanks to two back-to-back pregnancies and the choice to give in to every. single. craving.). I want to create a life of healthy habits again and find that balance between obsession and resignation. I will choose foods and activities that nourish me. I will take the time I need to care for myself, as well as my family. And if all that results in a smaller waistline, I'll take that, too.

If I accomplish even a few of these things in the next 40 years, I think I'll have done well in my time on this Earth. Here's to 40 more!