On Judgment and Defensiveness

When I decided to give up meat, it was a temporary plan. I never would have imagined at the time that almost a year later I'd still be living a meatless life. It didn't take long, though, for me to realize that as a vegetarian my food choices would come under scrutiny. I would be answering questions like "Why don't you eat meat?" and "Isn't it hard to get enough protein?" over and over again. I took these questions and other comments about my vegetarianism with a grain of salt. People are naturally curious, I thought. Yet I found myself getting tired of answering the same questions and defending my choices all the time. Why, I wondered, did I always felt like my choices needed to be defended?

At least in part, I suppose it's a societal issue. Eating meat (or drinking caffeine, or being thin, for that matter) is the baseline, the status quo. Any choice outside that acceptable social norm makes others uncomfortable and therefore defensive of their own choice. (This probably has some roots as a survival instinct, though I haven't checked out the research.) And it doesn't help that corporations behind these products are always trying to convince us that we want, even NEED, to eat their meat, drink their beverage (Got Milk anyone?) or use their product. We accept that the norm is what it is and we rarely ask why or if it's the best option.

I recently ate lunch at a table with several others and the topic of vegetarianism came up. A fellow writer told us a story about a teacher she once had who, upon being asked why he was a vegetarian, turned the question around on the student and wondered why vegetarians always had to answer that question but no one ever asked omnivores why they chose to eat meat. I mentioned how I often feel that my choice to not eat meat seems to make some people uncomfortable. It seems like my choice puts them on the defensive. As humans (and maybe particularly as Americans) we don't like to be told that our choice is "wrong", and if I'm not eating meat for any logical reason, then it seems I'm essentially telling them I'm right and they're wrong. The problem is, I don't feel that way at all. My choice is my choice. I'll respect yours if you respect mine.

I understand their reaction, though. In fact, I find myself doing the same thing in different situations. It's like when someone says, "I'm trying to give up caffeine," and I automatically answer with, "I've thought about it, but I don't really drink that much caffeine anyway." It's as though I feel the need to defend my choice to drink caffeine despite the fact that the person I was speaking with didn't say anything to overtly imply that she was making a judgment on me. In fact, it's more likely that she was just making conversation. So why do I feel that the mere act of her giving up caffeine is a judgment on my choice to keep drinking it? And why do others feel that my meatless life is a judgment on their omnivore-ism? Is it because we feel, deep down inside, that our choice might not be the best choice after all?