Mirror, Mirror

object mirror object by Emilie is licensed under CC BY 2.0

I've never been a fan of the mirror. Even at my thinnest, I wasn't one to spend much time checking my reflection. But in the last few weeks I've realized that for months (maybe even years) I've been avoiding the mirror.

I don't know when I stopped looking in the mirror. It wasn't a conscious decision. It just happened. My mirror avoidance developed as quickly and quietly as the pounds packed on.

Of course I glance at my face as I wash or apply lotion. I sometimes check my outfit to make sure there aren't any hand prints or stains on my clothes. But I won't linger. I won't really LOOK at my reflection.

Why? What am I afraid of?

I'm afraid of the thoughts that might arise as I scan my body, recognizing curves that have become rounder and fuller than they were a few years ago. I'm ashamed and embarrassed by what my body has become.

I know that's not what I'm supposed to think. I know it's not how I'm supposed to feel about this body that has created life, that has carried me through challenges and adventures and tragedies alike. I know I'm supposed to love my body just as it is. But right now, I just can't. Or at least until now, I haven't been able to.

Today, I stood in front of the mirror before I got into the shower. I looked--really looked--at my body. This is what I saw: a round face that looks tired but happy; shoulders that keep creeping up toward my ears instead of relaxing down my back; a chest that is rounder and hangs lower than ever before; a belly that droops over a long scar, hiding the evidence that babies formed and grew inside me; thighs that overlap and rub against one another; ankles that are like tree trunks and feet that are wide and flat from years of bearing the weight above them.

This is all what IS. I'm doing my best not to judge it. It is my body after growing two healthy boys. It is my body after several years of stress, overwhelm, poor eating, lack of exercise and minimal self-care. This is where I am now. It does not have to be where I end up.

I worry, though, that I've let things go too far. I fear I've forgotten how to be healthy. I wonder if there's really time and energy to take care of myself, to plan healthy meals (and cook them), to exercise and practice yoga on more than an occasional basis.

I still have to try. My body is begging me. I feel so heavy and uncomfortable. I lack energy and I'm irritable. I realize I can't change what has already happened. I can only change what I do and feel from here forward.

And so today I choose to go to the gym. Today I choose to eat healthier than yesterday. Today I choose to stand in front of the mirror and look at my body without judgement.

With each day, hopefully, I can rebuild those healthier habits. I can do one thing to take care of myself. I can learn to look in the mirror and see my body through a lens of appreciation again, no matter what the scale says and no matter what size my pants are.

I will do my best today. That's all I can do.

Bifocals

Things have started getting pretty blurry. It happened slowly, so I didn't really even notice. Then one day, after cussing out my contacts for not working, it occurred to me that my vision just might have changed over the last...has it really been 5 years since my last eye exam???

I sat in the chair while the eye doctor prepared to check my vision, and without my contacts in I couldn't even read the lowest line of letters projected onto the wall in front of me. I'd been living my life with blurry vision for YEARS without even noticing. Or rather, without paying any attention.

As the doctor flipped through the levels of correction and answered "Better or worse?" over and over again, things began to get clearer. I could again see the clean edges of the letters in front of me. I could identify all the letters on the smallest of lines.

When he was finished, the doctor rolled his chair to his desk and began typing notes into his computer. Then he turned to me and said, "Well, you need bifocals."

I must have had a shocked look on my face, because he quickly added, "It usually happens around 40. You only need a very low magnification. Look for +1.00 reading glasses to use when you're wearing your contacts. You can get them at any drug store these days."

As I ordered my new frames and lenses, the salesman asked if I'd like "progressives" or traditional lenses with the line. "No line, please. I'd like to at least pretend I don't need bifocals."

He gave me an obligatory chuckle and wrote up my order. I obviously wasn't the first one to say such a thing.

A week later, wearing my new progressive (ha!) glasses, things are a little wobbly. I'm adjusting to a visual field that changes magnification with the movement of my eyes. I almost fell down the stairs the other day, because my depth perception was a bit off as I looked down through the "reading" portion of my lenses.

If I forget I'm wearing them and tip my head up as I'm looking toward the distance, things become blurry and distorted and my head begins to hurt. But if I tip my head down and gaze through the tops of the lenses, things become clear again, better defined. I can't help wondering if getting these progressive lenses is a reminder that there are different ways to look at the world. Maybe they're reteaching me that what we see in front of us varies depending on what angle we use to look at it.

Maybe wearing bifocals isn't such a bad thing after all. Maybe it's just the vision adjustment I needed to start seeing things clearly again.

Sugar, You Have No Power Over Me

Sugar by Moyen Brenn is licensed under CC BY 2.0

Thanks to a little nudge from my sister-in-law, I started a 21 Day Sugar Detox five days ago. 

I wasn't well prepared, but I was motivated. My diet has been less than stellar for, oh, four years-ish. Basically, since I was pregnant with my oldest little one I've been choosing to give in to every craving that comes along. 

Not the best way to stay healthy--during pregnancy or otherwise. 

So when my SIL asked if I wanted to join her in giving up sugar, and pretty much all carbs, I said "Hell yes!" Okay, I wasn't quite that excited, but I did say I'd give it an honest go. 

The first four days were easy. Like so easy that I thought, Why didn't I do this sooner?!? Who needs sugar?

Then I woke up this morning and all I could think of was toast and bagels and lightly sweetened cereal. I was tired of eggs. I wanted my Sunday chocolate croissant from the Farmer's Market, for god's sake!

But I'm plugging my way through the day, snacking on turkey slices and cheese sticks and carrots. I know I can do this. I know I'll feel better once I get through this first week. I know there's a light at the end of the tunnel. 

I also know that I may only be a few days into this study of my self, but my choice to lose the sugar has already taught me a few things. 

1. Cravings will pass. I probably knew this already, somewhere in the back of my sugar-addicted brain, but I'm remembering that when a craving strikes it will eventually go away. It's not going to stick around forever and if I can get past that initial drive to locate chocolate at all costs, I can make it through the day/week/month. 

2. I eat for all the wrong reasons. When I eliminated the option to munch on whatever I wanted throughout the day, it became abundantly clear that much of what I was eating was not for nourishment. I wasn't eating because I was hungry. I was eating out of habit, to stave off boredom or to deal with stress. Not all the time, but often. 

3. Treats are meant to be treats. Until this detox, I'd basically stopped saying no to treats like ice cream and chips and cookies. If they were around, or I was craving them, I'd eat them. After not having any sweets or other junk for a few days, my mind has cleared a bit and I've realized that I don't have to give those things up forever. But when I do have them, they should be a treat. Not something I eat every day or night just because that's my routine. 

They may seem like simple lessons, and this detox may seem like an extreme measure to learn them, but sometimes we (or at least *I*) need a strong kick in the pants to change track. Removing nearly all carbs from my diet for three weeks won't be simple, and it's obviously not a permanent fix, but I'm positive it will readjust my perspective on food and change some of my eating habits for the better. Until I get completely back on track, I can remind myself when I'm jonesing for potato chips that I'm choosing to be a healthier version of me. 

Book Spotlight: Hypothyroidism, Health and Happiness

After the Peanut was born, I found I was having some strange symptoms and I couldn't put my finger on what might be causing them. Some routine blood work indicated that I was considered "borderline hypothyroid". After a visit to the endocrinologist, I was diagnosed with post-partum thyroiditis and Hashimoto's disease. Right around the same time, I heard about Dr. Hotze's book, Hypothyroidism, Health and Happiness.

Below is a spotlight on his book. I'm looking forward to reading it in the near future and learning more about how I can treat my hypothyroidism in the best way for my life and my body.

ABOUT HYPOTHYROIDISM, HEALTH AND HAPPINESS

Have you ever thought to yourself, “I think I might have a thyroid problem. I’m tired all the time, no matter how much I exercise, I can’t seem to lose weight, my hair’s falling out, and overall I just feel blah.” If so, it is essential that you explore the very real possibility that indeed, you do have hypothyroidism. In Hypothyroidism, Health & Happiness, Dr. Steven Hotze reveals how commonly hypothyroidism is overlooked, misdiagnosed, and mistreated in women and men, and gives you just the information you need to prepare yourself to obtain help.

Too often, individuals with all the signs of low thyroid are prevented from accessing the simple, inexpensive and effective treatment for hypothyroidism. Instead, they are told their blood work is “normal.” Find out why they owe it to themselves to believe what their bodies are telling them, rather than the results of their blood tests.

Dr. Hotze has been on a mission to get this message into the hands of women and men, particularly those in midlife, for more than 20 years. The answers you will find in this book about the signs, symptoms and treatment of low thyroid conditions are no longer a part of the conventional medical approach to hypothyroidism.

Inside, you will learn:

• The historical basis for identifying and treating hypothyroidism
• Underlying causes of hypothyroidism
• Clinical signs and symptoms that may mean you have hypothyroidism
• The little-used thyroid blood test that identifies thyroid disorders in spite of a “normal” TSH
• Other individuals just like you who are now healthy, well, and thriving
• Simple at-home test you can do as a starting point towards discovering if you have low thyroid
• And more

Dr. Hotze has a saying, “If you are sick and tired of being sick and tired, then you owe it to yourself to take charge of your health and get your life back.” By arming yourself with the information in this book you can take the first step towards restoring your health, transforming your life and improving your world.

ABOUT DR. STEVEN HOTZE

Steven F. Hotze, M.D., is the founder and CEO of the Hotze Health & Wellness Center, Physician’s Preference and Hotze Pharmacy. His goal is to change the way women and men are treated in midlife through the use of bioidentical hormone therapy. His 8-Point Treatment Regimen has helped thousands of individuals to get on a path of health and wellness and enjoy a better quality of life in an environment of extraordinary hospitality and guest service.

Dr. Hotze is the author of the book, “Hormones, Health, and Happiness”. In it he describes his journey from using pharmaceutical drugs to actively listening to his patients and treating the root cause of their symptoms through natural approaches. “For an acute illness, such as strep throat or a sinus infection, the drug approach may be appropriate. However, few patients with chronic ailments ever really get well by taking drugs. How can they? Chronic illness and disease are not caused by deficiencies of prescription drugs.”

Suzanne Somers dedicated an entire chapter to Dr. Hotze in her New York Times best seller, “Breakthrough”. “This Texan doctor is going to steal your heart,” writes Somers. “He has so much energy he can’t wait to get to his office each day. He has built up a practice that is the envy of doctors everywhere.”

Dr. Hotze has appeared on hundreds of television and radio shows across the nation, including ABC, NBC, CBS, and FOX affiliates, and CBS’ The Morning Show. He is also a regular guest on the KHOU Channel 11 morning program, Great Day Houston.

Dr. Hotze is a member of the American Academy of Otolaryngic Allergy and the Association of American Physicians and Surgeons, and is former president of the Pan American Allergy Society.
You can listen to Dr. Hotze and his colleagues on his radio program, “Health and Wellness Solutions”, which airs Monday-Thursday on KSEV 700 AM in Houston from 12-1 p.m. CST, or online on this website. – See more at: http://www.hotzehwc.com/en-US/Health-Wellness-Center.aspx#sthash.jKocO34s.dpuf


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Challenge: Stress Relief

I'm typing this post on my trusty iPhone while the Peanut is napping on my lap. It turns out when you're raising an infant you find all sorts of creative ways to get things done. It's taken some time (almost 10 months, to be exact), but I'm finally starting to figure things out.

I think. 

One of the things I miss most about my pre-baby life is my yoga practice. The physical challenge, the grounding and centering, the relaxation. If anyone could benefit from a consistent practice, certainly it's a new mom. Unfortunately, it's not always easy to make it happen. 

Instead of hour-and-a-half classes a few times a week, my yoga practice these days consists of a few deep breaths while nursing, a stolen Downward Dog and Child's Pose while the Peanut plays, and if I'm lucky, a pre-bed stretch or two. Enter The Sisterhood of the Shrinking Jeans and their Great Stress Relief Challenge. Stress relief? Um, yes, please! And I think the motivation of a challenge will help me to get my butt on my mat a few times a week again. 

What say you? Will you join me as I find my way back onto my mat? I'll be happy to answer any yoga questions you have. You can email me or comment here. And I will root you on, too. Just leave me a comment and let me know you're participating in the challenge!

Eighteen Again

Motherhood has taught me a lot of lessons in the few months since I joined the club, but the biggest one I'm learning is how to give myself a break. That's a hard lesson to learn when I've been beating myself up about my body for most of my life.

In the recent past, I managed to develop a positive self-image and I've had several years of self acceptance, which included a few years where I was wearing the smallest sizes I'd ever worn as an adult. But now I'm wearing an 18 again, and I'm none too happy about it. I find myself too quickly falling back into that well of negative self-talk, a place that I thought I'd climbed out of for good.

Don't get me wrong. I recognize that I gave birth less than a year ago, and that my body did an amazing thing, growing a human being and all. Unfortunately, now that he's heading swiftly toward his first birthday and I'm not even close to fitting into my pre-pregnancy clothes, I'm having a bit of trouble looking at myself in the mirror and thinking happy thoughts.

I know I shouldn't be too hard on myself, but I also know how hard I worked to fit into that size 8 dress a couple of years ago. I know that I made some poor choices while I was pregnant and gave into too many cravings.

I can't take back all the weight I gained while I was pregnant, but I can choose each day to work my way back toward that size 8. I've done it before, and while it might take a bit more effort now that I don't have a gym membership or hours that I can spend doing cardio and lifting weights, I know I can do it again. And I hope I can teach my son to have a healthy relationship with food and exercise along the way.

Recipe: Sloppy Lentils and Tangy Slaw

It's been a while since I posted a recipe here, but my niece has decided to be a vegetarian and her mom needed some protein-rich veg recipes that would satisfy the whole family. I gave her a list of my favorites, most of which I've already posted. This one happens to be easy and satisfies the occasional Sloppy Joe craving.

Sloppy Lentils
(Adapted from Fresh from the Vegetarian Slow Cooker)
Makes 4 to 6 servings

Ingredients

1 TBSP olive oil
1 medium yellow onion, chopped
1 small red or green pepper, seeded and chopped
1 TBSP chili powder
1 1/2 cups dried brown lentils, picked over and rinsed
One 14.5 oz can crushed tomatoes
3 cups water
2 TBSP soy sauce
1 TBSP yellow mustard
1 TBSP brown sugar
1 TBSP maple syrup
1 tsp salt
Black pepper to taste

Instructions

1. In a large skillet, heat the oil over medium heat. Add the onion and pepper and cook until softened, stirring occasionally. Add the chili powder and stir to mix well. Cook for 30 seconds more, then remove from heat.

2. Transfer the mixture to the slow cooker. Add the remaining ingredients and stir to combine. Cover and cook on Low for 8 hours.

Serve on burger buns and top with coleslaw (optional). I like to top mine with a tangy broccoli slaw (mix a bag of broccoli slaw with a tangy dressing made by whisking together about 1/4 cup light mayo, a TBSP soy sauce and TBSP rice vinegar).

Chunky Gazpacho Recipe

A fruits and vegetable fast will drive a girl to all sorts of creativity in the kitchen. Especially when she's gone overboard at the farmers market. I've been craving soup lately for some reason, but since it's still rather warm outside, I thought a cold soup would be the best bet. I was waffling between a raw Tomato Basil Soup and gazpacho. Since I needed to use up as many vegetables as I could, I pulled out the food processor, some tomatoes, peppers, an onion, garlic, and cilantro and got to work. This soup is so easy to make, and it's absolutely delicious.

I modified a gazpacho recipe from Vegetarian Times for an easy, chunky gazpacho version.

Chunky Gazpacho
(Adapted from Vegetarian Times)

Ingredients:

3 large ripe tomatoes, stemmed and quartered
1 large ripe tomato, finely diced
1 cucumber, peeled and sliced (finely dice about a handful and reserve)
1 green peppers, seeded and quartered (finely dice about a handful and reserve)
1/2 red pepper, seeded and halved again (finely dice about a handful and reserve)
1/2 large red onion, peeled and sliced thickly (finely dice about a handful and reserve)
2 Tbs. olive oil
2 Tbs. cider vinegar
2 large cloves garlic
Large handful of cilantro
Salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste
Avocado, diced for garnish (optional)

Instructions:

Place diced tomatoes, cucumbers, green and red peppers and onion in a large bowl. Combine the remaining tomatoes, cucumber, peppers, and onion in food processor. Add olive oil, vinegar, garlic, salt and pepper, and cilantro. Pulse until mostly smooth, then pour into the bowl with the diced veggies and stir to mix. Serve immediately at room temperature or chill. Top with diced avocado right before serving.

Peace with Food

Confession: I hate being hungry.

I know, no one likes to be hungry. But my aversion to hunger seems to go beyond what I would consider normal. At some point early in my life, hunger became something I avoided at all costs. The sensation actually made me anxious, and I do everything I can to avoid feeling that rumbling.

As soon as my stomach starts to feel empty I immediately seek out something to quell the sensation. In fact, I'm often thinking about what I can or will eat long before hunger even makes an appearance. Which means food has always had power over me.

That desire to avoid emptiness eventually transferred into something more sinister, a disordered relationship with food that extended from eating at the slightest hint of hunger to eating whenever I felt emotionally empty. I know I'm not the only one. I realize that most women, and a good number of men, have some sort of strained relationship with food. But I'm pretty sure my problem crossed the line on more than one occasion from simple emotional eating to what I would have called binge eating. I never purged, but I could eat more than a thousand calories in less than an hour. This binging has subsided over the last few years, as I've discovered ways to better deal with that emotional emptiness, but that fear of hunger still remains.

So imagine my anxiety when I found out that my yoga teacher training group would be completing a juice fast together. At first I was excited to face the challenge. I even volunteered to fast for an additional day. I was caught up in the excitement of the group, interested in experimenting with my diet in a new way. Then the fear started creeping in.

What if I couldn't do it? What if I got really hungry? What if the cravings were too much? What if I wasn't strong enough? The self-doubt and insecurity crept in one question at a time.

To deal with the anxiety, I started planning immediately. I weaned myself off caffeine. I decreased my sugar and white flour intake. And I bought plenty of juice--apple, pomegranate, white grape and cranberry--and vegetable broth

After my dinner on Thursday night, a dinner which I enjoyed slowly and mindfully knowing that it would be my last meal until Sunday afternoon, I settled into the knowledge that my diet would consist only of liquids for more than 60 hours. Then something unexpected happened.

I felt relieved.

Friday I drank juice, water or herbal tea when I was thirsty. If I got hungry, I had a cup of broth. But I never once worried about what I would eat, where my next meal would come from, or when I could finally have solid food again. The anxiety was gone. I knew I would eat on Sunday, and in the meantime, I didn't really think about food. And I felt so alive, it was like every cell in my body was vibrating with energy.

When teacher training started Friday evening, we had a group yoga practice and I found myself able to get more deeper into some poses than I'd ever been before. My focus was intense. My body was responding in new ways. Saturday was a bit more difficult. By the afternoon I was starting to feel a bit more lethargic and the physical hunger was becoming more intense. The anxiety never came up, though. It seemed I was moving beyond my fear of hunger and into a new phase of my relationship with food. It had no control over me anymore.

I could trust that I would never have to eat anything unless I chose to. That would be my challenge once the fast was over. To maintain my sense of control over food. Not for the purpose of going to the other extreme and severely limiting my food intake. But for the purpose of allowing myself time and space to be hungry, to really experience meals when I did choose to eat, and to recognize the effects different foods have on my body.

When we finally broke fast together on Sunday afternoon, every bite was like a flavor explosion in my mouth. After tasting nothing but water, diluted juices, vegetable broth and unsweetened teas, the taste of a strawberry was powerful. The saltiness of a peanut made my mouth water. The crunch of a carrot felt like a blessing.

Almost two weeks later, I'm still having revelations about that fasting experience. Each time I find myself eating when I'm not really hungry or mindlessly munching on a snack during the day, I remember that feeling of power that came with emptiness, and I relax. I've finally found some peace with food. I have the power now, and I know how to use it.

(Photo credit: Shermeee)

This piece was cross-posted at bookieboo.com, where I'll be journaling about my experience as I learn to teach yoga (and become a more dedicated yoga student in the process).

(De)Caffeinated Yogini

Ask fifty adults practicing yoga whether they drink coffee, and there's a good chance at least half of them will say yes. But traditionally, yoga and any stimulant did not go well together. Many yoga teachers recommend letting go of caffeine as you become more dedicated to a yoga practice. Other well-known yoga teachers show up to class sipping coffee from a Starbucks cup.

There's no rule that says you can't drink coffee if you're a serious yoga practitioner. Why then, did this yogini decide to let go of caffeine? Excellent question.

I've been a near-daily coffee drinker for years now. My morning routine during the work week entails me entering the building, taking off my coat and brewing the coffee for the office. I've usually finished my first cup and am going back for my second by the time the rest of my coworkers start trickling in an hour later. I like the smell of it, the taste of it, the way it warms my body. Coffee has been my quiet-time companion for a long time. But I wasn't addicted. There were weekends when I would go completely without coffee (but not necessarily caffeine) and saw no real changes in how my body and mind functioned. No headaches, no sleepiness, nothing to indicate that I had to have coffee.

Still, I had started getting the feeling that caffeine was weighing me down. Not literally, of course. But as much as I had convinced myself that caffeine didn't control me, I found myself drawn to that pot every morning, like a fly to honey.

During our last teacher training weekend, we started discussing preparations for our upcoming juice fast, the topic of caffeine came up and the conversation got a bit heated. "How many of you are addicted to caffeine?" our instructor asked. About half of the group raised their hands. "And how many of you drink coffee but don't think you're addicted to caffeine?" Most of the rest of us, myself included, raised our hands. Then the instructor challenged us to explore that idea.

Like so many things I've been doing lately, I took that challenge seriously and decided to experiment with letting go of caffeine. I truly didn't think it would be that difficult. I only drank a couple of cups of coffee most days of the week, and some days I didn't have any. How hard could it be to let that go?

Surprisingly hard.

I started my week with one cup of 1/3 decaf. At about 2:00 that afternoon I thought I was going to fall asleep at my desk. I got irritable and so very sleepy. At first I couldn't figure out why. Then it occurred to me that I usually had a cup of black tea or a diet caffeinated soda after lunch. Maybe I'd been drinking more caffeine than I thought.

The next two days I stuck with my 1/3 decaf blend. Just one cup. I was miserable during the day. But I was also sleeping soundly through the night, when I would normally wake up three or four times.

On the fourth day, I shifted to one cup of 2/3 decaf and did that for two days. On the sixth day, I had a decaf Americano. And on day seven, I went coffee-less.

It's been almost three weeks now, and aside from the two decaf Americanos I've had, I've been caffeine and coffee free. And I feel fantastic. I'm sleeping so much better. I have more energy. I'm alert and wake during the day without the aid of any stimulants. That's not to say there aren't days when I feel like I could really use that jolt of caffeine or when I want a hot drink, but for now at least, some deep breathing, a brisk walk around the block or some herbal tea are doing the trick. I can't promise that I won't ever drink a caffeinated beverage again, but right now it feels great to be a decaffeinated yogini.

(Photo credit: Demion)

This piece was cross-posted at bookieboo.com, where I'll be journaling about my experience as I learn to teach yoga (and become a more dedicated yoga student in the process).

Finding Strength in Yoga

We've all heard the celebrities swear that yoga makes their bodies tight and toned. And I have to admit that when I started yoga teacher training, a rather large part of my motivation was the potential physical benefit of a regular yoga practice. As you can probably tell from my blog posts of late, it seems that I'm getting much more emotionally, mentally and spiritually from the dedicated practice of yoga than I am physically.

That's not to say my body isn't changing. I find myself wishing I'd taken "before" photos, so that I could share my physical progress with you all. My butt is lifting, my waist is more defined, my shoulders are stronger, my biceps and triceps are actually cut and visible. I'm able to do things that I doubted I'd ever be able to do, like balance in Bakasana and lift fully into Urdhva Dhanurasana. And I'm working my way toward headstand, slowly but surely.

One of the biggest things I'm learning about the physical practice of yoga (asana) is that it's such a small part of what yoga truly is. There are actually eight limbs of yoga, only one of which refers to the physical postures. So while I'm actively working to move more deeply into Downward Facing Dog and to practice better form in Chaturanga Dandasana, the real work is coming in other areas of my life.

I suspected that might be the case when I signed up for the training. After all, I'd just ended a six-year relationship and was planning to submerse myself in an intensive program. I knew emotions would come up and I'd run into walls. How could I not? But here's the thing: I had no idea the extent to which yoga would open me up and reveal who I truly am.

The lessons I'm learning on my mat through my physical practice--to keep breathing, even when I'm uncomfortable; to listen to my body; to trust in my own strength; to push myself gently, and handle myself with care--these lessons don't just end on the mat. I see myself applying them in my life when I'm in a stressful situation, starting to become irritable, and I calm myself with a few slow, deep breaths. Or when I'm feeling exhausted by a hectic schedule and treat myself to a hot bath and an early bedtime instead of forcing my body through another long day. Or when I recognize I'm making excuses instead of fully living my life and I forgive myself and then begin to carefully push myself, taking the first hesitant steps toward my future.

Yes, yoga is giving me a fit body. But it is also strengthening my mind, my spirit. Then again, maybe yoga is just quieting the noise and clearing away the underbrush so that I can see what was there all along.

(Photo credit: lululemon athletica)

This piece was cross-posted at bookieboo.com, where I'll be journaling about my experience as I learn to teach yoga (and become a more dedicated yoga student in the process).

Opening to the Present

I approached the studio with sweaty palms and a pounding heart. Part of that was out of nerves and part of it was because I’d spent the last 30 minutes circling the same nine square blocks looking for a parking spot and was certain I was going to be late to my first yoga teacher training weekend. Thankfully, I’d gotten the time wrong and was actually 27 minutes early.

I signed in, picked up my manual and found a spot on the floor in the alcove with a few other early arrivals. They were younger and thinner than me, probably fitter with more yoga experience, as well. Some of the women were in small groups chatting. It appeared they knew each other and the thought that there were already cliques forming gave rise to a bit of anxiety. Would I fit in here? Could I really do this? Was I ready for what lay ahead?

We rolled out our mats along the walls of the studio, all 35 of us—34 women and one man of varying ages, sizes, shapes and backgrounds—facing one another and the center of the room. And that’s how we started. No introductions, no stories, no preparation. We jumped right in.

Standing at the top of our mats, inhaling and raising our arms. Urdhva Hastasana. Folding forward, exhaling. Uttanasana. Lifting halfway up on the inhale, backs flat. Ardha Uttanasana. Placing hands down, stepping back into high plank and exhaling into Chaturanga Dandasana. Inhaling, sliding chests forward, opening our hearts. Urdhva Mukha Svanasana. Lifting hips and pressing chests back on the exhale. Adho Mukha Svanasana. Bending knees, looking forward to our hands, and inhaling, floating feet forward, back flat. Ardha Uttanasana. Exhaling, folding again into Uttanasana. Sweeping arms up, inhaling and looking to our fingers. Urdhva Hastasana. Pressing palms together, exhaling and lowering them to our hearts.

Arriving at Samastitihi. Equal standing.

And that’s exactly how it felt. Nine breaths putting us all on solid, level ground. Nine breaths linking us all together. Nine breaths and I knew this: I am exactly where I am supposed to be. Breathing. Moving. Here. Now. Opening up to my present, and whatever it has to offer.

(Photo credit: lululemon athletica)

A Yogini in the Making

Three months ago, when I broke up with my boyfriend of six-and-a-half years, I braced myself for the anger and grief that I knew would follow. It washes over me, the way powerful emotion so often does, in waves that swell, crash and then recede. But under all of that painful emotion, there has been a glimmer of hope that I haven’t felt in a while.

I’d spent the last three years of our relationship denying my own desires for more attention and commitment, and putting goals on hold, imagining they’d be easier to achieve with a spouse by my side. I wished for a committed, reciprocal relationship with marriage and babies on the horizon. It wasn’t happening, though. And so finally, when the pain of waiting on The Ex became greater than the hope of some imagined future together, I decided to move on.

In my new-found freedom, not just from the relationship, but from the limits I’d put on myself while waiting on him, I decided to do something I’ve been considering for a couple of years now. I started doing some research, and without thinking too long about it, I filled out an application for a popular 200-hour yoga teacher training program that would fit into my schedule, and sent in my deposit.

The second guessing and self-doubt started almost immediately, but I held strong and the excitement for something new and life-changing quickly took over. I’ll be in training classes one weekend a month and will take at least three yoga classes a week throughout the eight months the training takes place. As the first training weekend approaches, my excitement is growing. I believe this experience is going to be powerful. My body will change, of course, as I immerse myself into regular, dedicated yoga practice. But I’m thinking beyond my body.

I’m feeling inspired in my writing after just a single class with the training instructor, and I expect that inspiration will only grow as I turn inward in my practice. I look forward to learning meditation techniques that will help me center and focus myself. My interest in the philosophy behind yoga is increasing, and I can’t wait to dig into the book list—fifteen texts, including everything from The Bhagavad Gita to an anatomy reference book to a guide to macrobiotic cooking—and start learning and exploring new ideas.

The intended end-result of this teacher training program is to earn a certificate that allows me to teach yoga to others. But I have a feeling I’m going to get more out of the next several months than I could even begin to imagine right now. For once, I’m not concerned about the unknowing. I’m happy to be taking a step forward, wherever that step may take me.

This piece was cross-posted at bookieboo.com, where I'll be journaling about my experience as I learn to teach yoga (and become a more dedicated yoga student in the process).

Recipe: Chipotle Hummus

Hummus is one of my favorite things to make when I need to bring something to a party or when I know I'll need some quick lunches or dinners. It's easy, flexible and so good. A high school friend mentioned she was eating chipotle hummus and it made me thing I should try whipping up a batch. This is the recipe that resulted, just in time for those Fourth of July barbecues. Whip a batch up and impress all your friends.

Chipotle Hummus

Ingredients

1 15-oz can chickpeas; drained, liquid reserved
1 large clove garlic
1 chipotle pepper, canned in adobo sauce
juice of 1 lime
1 TBSP olive oil
1 TBSP tahini (optional)

Instructions

1. In a food processor, combine chickpeas, garlic, chipotle pepper, lime juice, olive oil and tahini. Process on low.
2. Add 1 TBSP reserved chickpea liquid at a time, processing until hummus is desired consistency.

It's as simple as that. And healthy, too. Serve hummus on a veggie sandwich or as a dip for veggies and pita chips.

July Fit 'N' Healthy Challenge

It's hard to believe that another month is almost over. But, alas, June is coming to an end and the second month of the Fit 'N' Healthy Challenge is almost behind us.

How did you do on June's goal to try at least one new exercise activity each week? Did you find any new exercises that you've incorporated into your regular routine? Were there exercise activities that you know you'll never try again? What was your favorite new exercise?

When I chose June's goal, I did it because I needed some motivation to get out of my exercise rut, which amounted to 30 - 45 minutes on the elliptical and the occasional outdoor walk as many days as I could manage. I had hoped to try out some new classes at my gym, maybe get on a few new machines, and try a couple of new exercise videos. Unfortunately, the classes I was hoping to try didn't fit into my schedule, and it has been way too hot here in Baltimore to even attempt doing any exercise in my living room.

Despite those challenges, I managed to add a few new exercise activities to my routing. I tried out new programs on the elliptical and treadmill. I even got on the rowing machine and stairmill and gave them a try. I'm planning to continue this challenge into July and work on arranging my schedule to try out some of those classes I've been missing out on.

The best thing about these last two months of the Fit 'N' Healthy Challenge is that I feel like I've really gotten into a fitness routine. I'm exercising regularly and actually *gasp* enjoying it!

Now that we've had a couple of months to practice getting fit, I thought we'd shift gears a bit. For July's Fit 'N' Healthy goal, we're going to work on our eating habits. It's summer, and that means it's the perfect time to start eating more fresh fruits and vegetables. Since I gave up meat, I don't have much of a problem eating plenty of fruits and veggies, but sometimes the variety is a little lacking. Keeping that in mind, I'm making this month's goal two-fold.

July's Fit 'N' Healthy Challenge is:

Eat at least 4 servings of vegetables each day and incorporate one new-to-you veggie each week.

I'd highly recommend you head to your local farmers' market and get creative. Try some kohlrabi (these easy kohlrabi refrigerator pickles are delish). Saute up some Swiss chard. Pick up some heirloom tomatoes and make a refreshing salad. Have fun exploring new foods and dishes. And don't be afraid to chat with fellow shoppers or the farmers who grew the veggies. They'll always have recommendations and suggestions on what to try or how to prepare it.

Are you in? If so, you can check back here to tell us what types of veggies you're trying out this month, share new recipes you come across, and/or tweet about your progress using the #fitNhealthy hash tag. You can also grab the Fit ‘N’ Healthy button to put on your blog. (As always, thanks to Mel, of Mel's Box of Chocolates, for the awesome challenge button!)

Let's have a Fit & Healthy July!

If you're just joining in on the Fit 'N' Healthy Challenge, the goal is to make and work toward one fitness, health or wellness goal each month. At the beginning of the month, I’ll offer up a goal that we can all work toward and throughout the month I’ll check in to make sure we’re all on track. If the monthly goal speaks to you, feel free to jump in and join us. Just leave a comment letting me know you’re trying to get fit and healthy, too. If the goal isn’t for you, don’t worry. You can still join in. Set your own goal for the month, post it in the comments and we’ll cheer you on as you work toward your goal, too.

Recipe: Southwest Black Bean Burgers

A lot of my favorite recipes are the result of looking for cheaper and easier ways to fit protein into my meatless diet. I love the convenience of frozen bean or soy burgers, but they're not exactly budget friendly. When Alana at A Veggie Venture posted a recipe for black bean burgers, I immediately gave them a try. They were delicious, so I filed away the recipe for future use -- and promptly forgot about it.

Fast forward a year and I've got black beans in my freezer from the farmers' market last season that need to be cooked and used to make room for fresher veggies. While I'm slow cooking them, I start to smell grilling food and craving burgers, but not the beef or turkey kind. I start craving those black bean burgers. I pulled up the recipe and got to work whipping up a slightly altered version based on what I had on hand.

Southwest Black Bean Burgers
Adapted from A Veggie Venture
(Makes 4 regular burgers or 6 sliders)

Ingredients

1 1/2 TBSP olive oil, divided
1/2 cup chopped yellow onion
1/2 a 4 oz. can chopped green chilies
2 cloves garlic, roughly chopped
1/2 cup fresh cilantro
1 1/2 cup cooked black beans (or 1 - 15 oz. can, drained and rinsed)

1 large egg, lightly beaten
1/2 cup bread crumbs
1/2 tsp cumin
1/2 tsp chili powder
1/4 tsp kosher salt

Instructions

1. Heat 1/2 TBSP olive oil over medium heat in a large skillet. Add the onion, green chilies and garlic and saute until the onions begin to brown, stirring frequently.
2. Transfer to a food processor and add the cilantro. Pulse a few times until roughly chopped.
3. Add the beans to the food processor and pulse several times, just until the beans are broken up into small chunks but not too pasty.
4. Put the bean, onion, chilies and garlic mixture into a large bowl. Add the egg, bread crumbs, cumin, chili powder and salt. Stir with a fork until well blended.
5. Form into four large patties (or 6 smaller ones). (If you are planning to eat them later, refrigerate at this point. You can also freeze them after they've chilled for about an hour. Just put them in a freezer bag. Thaw completely before cooking.)
6. Heat the remaining 1 TBSP olive oil in a large skillet.
7. Carefully add the burgers to the oil and cook 2 to 3 minutes on each side until browned and warmed through.

I wouldn't grill them unless, as Alana recommends, you use a grill basket. They're not solid enough to stand up to the grill grates. But they are hearty and flavorful enough to please just about any meat eater. I like mine topped with pepper jack cheese, sliced avocado and tomato, and a little bit of mayo. I'd suggest you make a double (or triple) batch and freeze some for later. You'll be thankful you did. These things are addictive!

Product Review: Elations Makes My Knees Happy, But Not My Budget

I come from a family of weak-kneed women, and I don't mean that in the swooning sense. My mother has always had trouble with her knees, and my little sister has knee issues, as well. While a lot of that trouble may stem from begin overweight in my mother's case, and doing a lot of running and high-impact exercise as a middle-schooler and teenager in my sister's case, it's clear that the problem is at least partly hereditary.

When I gave running a try a couple of years ago, I quickly found my knees weren't going to be up to the steady pounding unless I was willing to pop ibuprofen and put up with the constant clicking and crackling. And even after I stopped running, my knees never forgave me. Walking up stairs, and sometimes even plain walking, can cause my knees to pop and crackle.

About a year ago, my sister suggested I try taking a glucosamine-chondroitin supplement. She swore it made a huge difference for her, so I gave it a try. Low-and-behold, the crackling and popping subsided, although it didn't go away completely. When I came across the opportunity at FitBloggin'10 to try Elations, a liquid supplement that claimed to help maintain healthy joints and promote healthy joint function, I wasn't interested at first. I was already taking a glucosamine-chondroitin supplement, after all. What was the point in trying something new? But eventually I gave in and traded my current supplement for Elations, which includes not only glucosamine and chondroitin, but also boron and calcium.

I'm glad I did. Surprisingly, within a few days of taking the daily liquid supplement my knees seemed to get even better than they had been using the regular glucosamine-chondroitin supplement. The bottled supplement, which I tried in Cranberry-Apple, Black Cherry and Raspberry White Grape flavors, wasn't my favorite. The flavors were a bit strong for my liking. I loved the powdered packets that I was able to add to my water, though--probably because I could temper the strength of the flavors with extra water. I really liked the Raspberry White Grape flavor this way.

Unfortunately, once I ran out of the three week supply of Elations, I wasn't able to afford it. While I consider glucosamine supplements to be pretty pricey (I usually pay about $30 for a 90 day supply), Elations is even more so ($6.97 for a 6-pack of liquid or box of 7 powder sticks, or about $30 to $35 for a 30 day supply). If the cost doesn't bother you and you're interested in giving Elations a try, you can find it in the vitamin and supplement aisles of most stores. You can also get a $1-off coupon from their website.

If I decide to start running again, I might have to reconsider Elations and readjust my budget to include it. For now, though, I'm back to taking my regular glocosamine-chondroitin supplement, and my knees are relatively happy.

*Disclaimer: I received samples of Elations in exchange for my honest review. I was not compensated in any other way. The opinions and thoughts expressed are my own.

POM Wonderful -- It's Not Just for Drinking

I received a case of POM Wonderful 100% pomegranate juice after FitBloggin'10, and while I'm not much of a fruit juice drinker, I was happy to give this a try. After all, pomegranate is supposed to be one of those antioxidant-filled super foods. And those POM-tinis we were served at the FitBloggin' reception were quite tasty. If nothing else, I'd have plenty of juice for cocktail making.

I did enjoy a few POM mocktails (1 part POM, 1 part seltzer water), but by far my favorite thing to do with my POM has been to cook it. Yep. That's right. I've been using POM in my recipes. I've made a delicious, citrus-y salad with a pomegranate vinaigrette dressing, and a pomegranate glaze that would be great on just about any protein. I used it on shrimp, but I'm planning to try it on salmon, as well as on tofu.

Citrus-y Salad with Pomegranate Dressing
Makes 2 servings.

Ingredients

Dressing:
1/4 cup POM
2 TBSP balsamic vinegar
2 TBSP extra virgin olive oil
salt and pepper to taste

Salad:
6 cups arugula
1/2 avocado, cut into bite-sized pieces
2 clementines, peeled and segmented
1/4 cup walnut pieces
1 TBSP grated fresh Parmesan cheese


Instructions

1. Divide arugula, avocado, clementine segments and walnut pieces between two serving dishes.
2. In a small bowl, whisk the dressing ingredients until well combined.
3. Drizzle salads with about 2 TBSP each of the dressing. (There will be plenty of dressing left over for future salads.)
4. Top each salad with about 1/2 TBSP grated Parmesan cheese.

I ate this as an entree salad one night, but I used the dressing on salads throughout the week. The sweet tangy-ness of the dressing is a great compliment to the peppery arugula, but it was also good over a baby greens mix and romaine lettuce.


Pomegranate Glazed Shrimp
Makes 4 servings.

Ingredients

3/4 cup POM
2 TBSP balsamic vinegar
1 tsp brown sugar
1 tsp corn startch
12 oz cooked, shelled shrimp

Instructions

1. In a medium saucepan, whisk together first four ingredients over low-medium heat.
2. Bring to a simmer and cook uncovered, stirring frequently for about 15 minutes or until thickened.
3. Toss shrimp with glaze and serve.

I served the shrimp over cooked brown rice with the citrus-y salad on the side. It was the perfect combination.

Review: The Kind Diet by Alicia Silverstone

Long before I stopped eating meat (a year ago this past weekend), I started thinking a lot about how what I eat affects me and the world around me. It started with a desire to eat more locally grown and sourced foods, but it evolved into something bigger. As I read books like The Omnivore's Dilemma and Animal, Vegetable, Miracle, I started to realize that I could choose the impact my meals have on the environment, as well as on my body.

The next logical step for me was, to the best of my ability, to eat meat that was sustainably, organically, and locally raised. And as the cost of this decision weighed on my budget, I decided that eating less and less meat might be a good idea. Eventually, meat dropped off my menu radar, and I've been OK with that for a year now. Especially after watching Food, Inc.

When I heard about Alicia Silverstone's book, The Kind Diet, I figured it was right up my alley. In it, she shares the information and arguments that eventually convinced her to shift from a vegetarian diet to a vegan diet and then to what she calls The Superhero diet, her personalized version of a macrobiotic diet.

Part I of The Kind Diet is the rhyme and reason of eating a diet that is kind both to your body and to the earth. As I started reading Part I, I felt like Silverstone was preaching to the choir. I knew much of what she was telling me: that eating meat and animal products affects not only animals, but ultimately the environment, soil quality, fossil fuel consumption and more. But as I read more, I learned (or was reminded of) more. Silverstone isn't preachy. Her opinion on the subject is very clear, but she gives you the facts and plenty of information so that you can make your own educated decision. Throughout this first section, I found myself nodding along with her friendly encouragement, and even (*gasp*) considering trying a vegan diet for a month. (No Greek yogurt? No cheese? Yikes!)

Part II describes how you can begin "Living The Kind Life". Unlike other "diet" books, Silverstone doesn't encourage readers to jump into an extreme diet from the get-go. Instead, she describes how readers can "Flirt" with eating a kinder diet, begin going vegan, and then become a "superhero". She suggests you choose the plan that fits where you are now and give it a try. Then, as you get used to eating in a new way, you can increase your commitment, until eventually you're a Superhero. She makes giving up meat, fish, dairy products and processed foods seem simple, gradual, almost painless. Of course, she also encourages adding foods that are pleasing to your palate so that you don't miss those foods nearly as much. And she gives suggestions on ways that you can begin to make the shift toward kind eating if you're not ready to go all the way, and still see some of the positive effects.

Part III is a rather impressive collection of Vegan and Superhero recipes. I have to admit that I haven't tried any of the recipes yet, but I am looking forward to it. Who could resist the allure of vegan Peanut Butter Pie and Mixed Berry "Cheese"cake? And then there's the Risotto with Oyster Mushrooms, Leeks and Peas, and Rice Pilaf with Caramelized Onions. I'll be sure to share them with you once I get around to making them.

In the meantime, I'd recommend you check out The Kind Diet if you're interested in eating a more sustainable, healthier and, well, kinder diet.

June Fit 'N' Healthy Challenge

The first month of the Fit 'N' Healthy Challenge is now behind us. How did you do on May's goal to get 30 minutes of moderate exercise 5 or more days a week? Were you successful, or could you have done better? Did you actively pursue the goal, even if you didn't always reach it? Sometimes, not giving up on a goal is more important than reaching the goal itself.

I managed to eek out a successful month, despite some pretty lazy weekends and a lot of rain keeping me from my midday walks. The gym was definitely my friend in May. And knowing that I'd started this challenge and people would be checking in on my progress kept me pushing toward 5 active days a week. Thanks to my fellow challengers for that motivation!

If you're just joining in on the Fit 'N' Healthy Challenge, the goal is to make and work toward one fitness, health or wellness goal each month. At the beginning of the month, I’ll offer up a goal that we can all work toward and throughout the month I’ll check in to make sure we’re all on track. If the monthly goal speaks to you, feel free to jump in and join us. Just leave a comment letting me know you’re trying to get fit and healthy, too. If the goal isn’t for you, don’t worry. You can still join in. Set your own goal for the month, post it in the comments and we’ll cheer you on as you work toward your goal, too.

This month's goal is targeting my personal tendency to stick with what I know. Inevitably, this leads to exercise boredom or an activity rut. Then I'm more likely to skip the exercise altogether instead of changing it up. So to jump start my fitness routine and get me out of my comfort zone, I'm encouraging a little exercise adventure.

June’s Fit 'N' Healthy Challenge is:

Try at least one NEW exercise activity each week.

We're building on May's challenge, so keep exercising at least 30 minutes, 5 days a week. But this month, try adding in some new exercise activities. It's summer, so there are plenty of options out there. Get a group together, head to the park and play Frisbee, touch football or soccer. Take the kids to the pool and swim some laps. Or try a new fitness class at the gym. (If you haven't tried Zumba and you can find a class near you, I'd highly recommend it for a fun way to burn plenty of calories).

Are you in? If so, you can check back here to tell us what types of activities you're trying out this month and/or tweet about your progress using the #fitNhealthy hash tag. You can also grab the Fit ‘N’ Healthy button to put on your blog. (Thanks again to Mel, of Mel's Box of Chocolates, for the awesome challenge button!)

Let's have a Fit & Healthy June!