Computer Issues

I think I have a virus. I may have to reformat my hard drive. I'm not happy. I may not be around much in the next few days while I attempt to solve this problem using my less-than-technical brain and the Restore DVD that came with my computer. Any advice before I wipe the slate clean?

Nothing Much

It's been a "nothing much of anything" kind of weekend. I did some reading, some writing, some exercising, some cleaning and unpacking. Some candle-burning, movie watching, cuddling with My Love. Some stretching, yoga, and laundry washing. And now, I'm doing some Oscar-watching and my First 50 for the day. Then I'll do some cozying up in my bed with some popcorn and the rest of the awards. Like I said, nothing much of anything...

Blinking Cursor

Every day, when I'm busy and don't have time to post, I've got ideas galore of what I'd like to write in this empty box. But when the time comes for me to actually post something, when I've got a few extra minutes or an hour, even, I can't seem to come up with a single topic that does this blinking cursor justice.

"Why don't you write your ideas down?" you might ask. Because it might interrupt the flow of whatever it is I'm in the middle of: work, driving, talking on the phone. Because I think, "Ooooo, that's good! I'll remember that." And then I don't.

Of course, there are also all those semi-ideas--the ones that briefly cross my conscious mind but need more formulation, more contemplation and explanation before they'll make anything close to a coherent commentary.

So tonight, I'm gonna leave you with a few observations I've made this week:

1. There's something beautiful in the realization that a person loves you enough to go out in the cold and get you ice cream just because you said you had a taste for it.


2. Cuddling with your cat while reading a good book can cure a case of the blues.


3. Having a treadmill in your dining room does not mean that you will exercise at any time of the day or night just because it's there and you can.


4. Having a treadmill in your dining room does, however, mean that you will feel bad for not exercising at any time of the day or night.


5. Experiencing your own emotions after hiding them for so long is really. hard. work.


6. Not smothering those same emotions with pasta and candy bars and cookies and peanut butter is even harder.


7. There's a smell that clings to my clothes and my hair after I walk outside in the dry, winter cold that is so fresh and clean it makes me want to bury my nose in my shirt, close my eyes and breath deep breaths without a care for the fact that I'm at my desk at work and should be reading or editing something oh-so-important.


8. There's a lot of pleasure in doing it anyway.

What have you observed this week?

Just What We Need

When I heard the news that Orlistat was going over-the-counter on NPR about a week ago, I actually said out loud to the air in my car, "You've got to be kidding me." As if what overweight Americans and self-conscious young women alike need is a readily available and extremely powerful diet drug. While the arguments for making this drug available to more people--including the large number of obese Americans--is moving, I'm not convinced that this is a good idea. Studies show that this drug is effective at increasing weight loss when paired with diet and lifestyle changes. But I'm concerned about the potential for its abuse by people who don't really need it.

An article in USA Today didn't make me feel much better. Even if GlaxoSmithKline works "with retailers to make sure the drug is sold only to adults," what's to stop young adult women (and men) with eating disorders or unrealistic self-images from using the drug to lose unhealthy amounts of weight? And why are the FDA and GSK so quick to blow off studies that show potential increases in cancer risk for those who take Orlistat?

With all the drugs being manufactured and prescribed these days, and all the after-the-fact research and law-suits based on previously unmentioned side-effects, I'm starting to wonder who is on the consumer's side. Clearly the drug companies are out to make a buck, but isn't the FDA supposed to protect us from the money-hungry, quick-trigger executives looking to pad their pockets? At least when we needed a prescription for Orlistat, a doctor was held responsible for inappropriate drug distribution. But now? The only ones responsible are the ones emotionally distraught by their weight (whether unhealthy or not). Can we make the right decision when we're being bombarded incessantly with messages to be thin, thinner, thinnest?

Unfortunately, I think there are too many people out there, women in particular, who will be negatively affected by the appearance of a new diet drug on the shelves of their local Wal-Mart pharmacy. While it might be beneficial for some (maybe even many), will the benefits outweigh the risk of taking Orlistat out of the hands of doctors and placing it into mine. I guess time will tell.

I Don't Usually Do This

Several weeks ago, I got an email from a woman who wanted me to check out a website that promotes healthy living and then review it in my blog if I felt so inclined. I've never been asked to review a product or site for anyone before, and I wasn't sure I was interested in the prospect. I did some preliminary poking around and realized the site was sponsored by General Mills, which turned me off from the idea even more. I assumed it would be another website feigning to be doing "good" but all the while promoting a company's own agenda and bottom line.

After a while, I started seeing adds for the site around the internet, and I decided to go back and see what there was to see--good or bad--so that I could complete my reviewer's duty and be done with it. I was pleasantly surprised. It turns out General Mills has partnered with Rodale and Lluminari, and America's Second Harvest to sponsor a well designed, informative and interesting web site.

Eat Better America is site that I'll go back to. I've signed up for their e-newsletter. I've saved my personal health goals. I've read a few articles on healthy eating and exercise, and I've submitted a question for the experts. The interactive features of the site make it fun to play around with. The information is helpful and the recipes look delicious. I'm impressed that General Mills didn't use this particular feature to promote their own products by name. There's even a feature that lets you submit your own recipies for "healthification."

So I was wrong about General Mills. Their intensions seem to be honorable. The only areas that mention the company and their products are the About Us section and the coupon links that appear on most pages connecting you to printable coupon lists. So, if you're interested in getting more information about healthy eating and exercise, or if you're looking for a healthy recipe to cook for dinner, check out Eat Better America. I think you'll like.

It Happened Again

I got a gift card for Barnes & Noble for Christmas and I have been holding onto it. After work yesterday, I decided I needed a trip to the bookstore--just to browse and buy one book, I promised myself. I should have known better. Just like my last little book spree, I went in for one and came out with so many more. At least on this trip I was able to stick to the clearance shelves for all but two, and I got both of those for at least 50% off the list price. Still, I blew through my $40 gift card and spent $5 out of my pocket. It could have been worse. And now I have six more hardcovers to find room for on my crammed bookshelves and add to my To Be Read pile. Thankfully, I'm feeling motivated to read more now that I'm part of the TBR Challenge. I've got a lot of reading to do this year.

So here's what I got:

1. The Best Life Diet by Bob Greene -- This is the one I went in for. I've been trying for months to live by several of these principles, so I figured a little of his guidance might be helpful.


2. A Hand To Guide Me by Denzel Washington -- I saw him on Oprah talking about the inspirational stories he'd collected for this book and I've wanted to read it ever since.


3. Hotel of the Saints by Ursula Hegi -- I've never read anything by this author, but the description and, yes, the book jacket, intrigued me. It's a collection of short stories and I'm looking forward to finding out what Hegi's writing is like.


4. The Ha-Ha by Dave King -- I've heard about this book, and I know some people who read it for a book club, so I figured I'd give it a try.


5. Citizen Girl by Emma McLaughlin & Nicola Kraus -- I loved The Nanny Diaries so I'm hoping the follow-up by these two women is just as good.


6. Gods in Alabama by Joshilyn Jackson -- A friend recommended this book to me several months ago. I've passed it by several times, but finally decided to get it since it was on ly $5.98 for the hardcover.

If you've read any of these, I'd be happy to hear what you thought. I'm looking forward to digging into them eventually, but I know it's going to be a while, since I have a long list of books waiting on me as it is.

Here I Am

It's been a week since I moved in, and I'm starting to feel at home in this house. It's growing on me, and the boxes are gradually disappearing as I find the perfect places (like the trash and the Goodwill) for all of my things. It turns out I don't really need all the stuff. Now if I can just remember that the next time I'm at Target or DSW.

The new rule is: if you don't know where you'll put it, how you'll use it or what you'll wear it with, you don't need it and you can't bring it home.

Here's a summary of what's been going on:

• My first two or three nights in the house I slept fitfully. With all the new house noises I was sure someone was breaking in or the furnace was exploding or the cat was getting caught in a box. She was on edge, too, so we made quite the pair.
• A security company came out and gave me a price on a security system. I've scheduled installation for this week. At least I won't be worried about break-ins anymore.
• I got a quote on replacement windows since there is a visible breeze coming through most of the ones I have now (the originals--the house was built in 1951). Eight windows = almost $10,000. I'll obviously be doing that one window at a time on my tight budget.
• I had to line the front doorway with weather stripping because there was a gap that was letting in quite the draft. No wonder the previous owners averaged $200 a month in gas & electric bills.
• I've enjoyed doing laundry in my very own basement. I can put a load in the washer before I leave for work and toss it in the dryer when I get home. How cool is that?
• I've also managed to flood my very own basement already. Somehow I accidentally closed the drain in the utility tub and it overflowed when the washer started the spin cycle. I went down to feed the cat and found quite the mess. It took several towels, a mop and an hour to sop up all the water. Note to self: Tell the next owners about the sensitivity of the utility tub's drain.
• Getting organized takes time and money. I've spent what seems like an entire paycheck on shelving and cabinet organizers and DVD baskets and collapsible drawers.

I'm discovering what it really means to be "house poor" but I'm loving the excitement of making this place mine.

Signed, Sealed, Delivered

The papers are signed. The keys are in my hand. And the paint is flowing. Two rooms down, four to go. I'll share more pics when I get moved in, which will hopefully be done this weekend.

Is it just me, or is buying a house like marrying a man with potential? After everything is said and done, you realize you may have a bit more work ahead of you than you were anticipating.

I'm not saying I don't love the house. In fact, the more time I spend there making it mine, the more I love it. But it definitely is a work in progress and I've got my work cut out for me. Forget spending money on clothes and shoes and bags--every bit of spare cash is going to be spent on renovations and decorating. Anyone interested in paint duty?

And when will those moving fairies appear, anyway?

Up to my ears...

I'm surrounded by boxes, both empty and full. I've barely begun emptying out closets and bookshelves and cabinets, but I'm plugging away ...

Of course, procrastination is my middle name, so since I had the day off, I went to Home Depot and Lowes today. I bought all the tools I'll need for painting the bare walls of my new house: rollers and trays and brushes and drop cloths. I did not, however, choose a single paint color. I came away with a handful of pamphlets and paint chips but not a bit more certainty that I'd found a shade for my livingroom or dining room walls.

I've narrowed down my bedroom color to just a couple neutrals (this was easy because I have a bedding set that I love and can build my bedroom decor around). As for the guest bedroom/office, I'm leaning toward a warm blue because I read that blues inspire creativity. That room might have to wait a few months, depending on my budget and manpower over the next weeks. But at least I have some idea of a color scheme. My other rooms are all empty canvases. I'm having a really hard time commiting to wall colors. I want to do something bold in my living room (red) and dining room (gold) but I'm afraid to commit. To make it more difficult, I'm doing things backwards because I'm not pulling colors from furniture/rugs/curtains like designers recommend. Instead, I'm working with what I have for now (two love seats slip-covered in black and a black entertainment center) and planning on bringing in neutrals when I eventually buy a new sofa and chairs for the living room, and a dining set for the dining room. That way I can paint with the colors I love, knowing that whatever I choose will match neutral furniture later on. Unfortunately, this is making it tougher, rather than easier, for me to make a decision and stick with it. I'm hoping that after I've seen the rooms again in the next few days, I'll be able to pick something.

It's Really Happening

It's about as official as it can possibly be. I'm buying this house, ready or not. I'm having trouble sleeping and, surprisingly, it's out of excitement for the change, rather than stress. All I can think about is how my life is about to change for the better. I can't stop imagining my life in my little house. I can't stop dreaming of furniture and paint and central air conditioning. Of course, most of these things will have to wait until I've had time to save a bit of cash, but I'm excited about the process of turning this house into my very own home.

I have exactly two--yes, two--boxes packed, and I'm scheduled to settle on my new home next Wednesday. This purchase seems to have snuck up on me somehow. With all the back and forth of inspections and negotiations, I haven't really let myself believe that this house would be mine. And suddenly it's become real.

I will be moving into my new house, and it will all start next week. I'm planning to clean and paint most of the rooms before I move any furniture, but I have no idea what colors I'll be using, who will be helping (other than My Love) or when I'll find time to do all of this.

I'm also trying to minimize the amount of time I'll be paying utilities for both places. My landlord at my current apartment is very flexible and will allow me to take as much time as necessary to officially "get out," but I don't want to be living out of two homes for too long. I plan to get most of my packing done over the long weekend coming up, and I'm hoping to get as much painting finished the weekend after closing as I possibly can. That way I can move furniture one night the following week and hopefully be settling into my new home no later than the 25th.

If only I had Samantha Stevens' nose-twitching abilities...

SASEs, Special Days, and Sundays

SASEs

The day before I left for my Christmas break, I got my first Self-Addressed, Stamped Envelope from one of the Literary Journals I sent my first essay to a few weeks ago. The envolope held a very nice, but completely impersonal, rejection letter, which offered me a discounted subscription to the Journal. Thanks, but no thanks. I wanted you to send me a check, not the other way around.

A Special Day

Yesterday was filled with contradictions. I walked into my office and immediately knew it was going to be the most excellent 31st birthday I would ever have. I was wrong. Very, very wrong.

It started well, with a paper garland of balloons strung behind my desk and a sweet card wishing me a wonderful day from all of my co-workers. If I had to be at work on my birthday, at least they were making it as special as possible. All morning my phone lit up with calls and my inbox dinged with emails from family and friends, telling me to have a happy birthday. I was happy and content. It was a good birthday.

And then it wasn't. Work got me down. There were issues with the house. My Love was working and I wasn't going to see him. I was stressed out. I cried. I worried. I forgot it was my birthday. Or rather, I wanted it to not be my birthday. I was angry that I was stressed out, worried and angry on my special day. I wanted a do-over, to take it back and start again.

Eventually, I talked everything out, I let it go, and I celebrated what was left of my day.

Happy Ending Sundaes

After work, I talked to My Love and he helped me to remember that worrying wouldn't solve anything. He told me to let everything go, and have a good evening. So, I went to dinner with some friends I hadn't seen in a while. I drank wine, laughed, and enjoyed being out. I ate a great meal, and stopped eating when I wasn't hungry anymore. I suffered through a Benningan's Happy Birthday song, and then I shared a free birthday sundae with my friends. I took three bites, savoring every one of them, and then I put my spoon down. It was a great birthday dinner.

And the specialness didn't end there. I came home, ran a hot bath, complete with bubbles and candles, and slid into the water with a book. By the time I crawled into bed, I had to confess that even if it wasn't the greatest 31st birthday, it was my 31st birthday, and it was good--like an excellent cake with a not-so-great filling. The beginning was sweet and inviting, the middle made me gag, but the icing was just enough to make me forget the bad parts.

Hometown Lessons

What I learned while visiting my family and friends over the holidays:

1. Frosted flakes and peanut butter toast and cookies and cakes and candy and shrimp cocktail and cheese and cashews and pepperoni and crackers and ham and squash and mashed potatoes and brown-and-serve rolls with butter and rye bread dunked in gobs of dill dip should not all be eaten in exorbitant amounts in the same day.


2. Eating everything in sight will not reduce the awkwardness of certain social situations, the boredom that inevitably overtakes me in that tiny town, the sadness of knowing I'll have to leave again, or the general anxiety that visiting my hometown always evokes.


3. Eating everything in sight will, however, cause serious weight gain and a bloated, disgusting feeling that will make me want to avoid mirrors and pants with buttons of any kind.


4. Eating everything in sight will also cause the busting of seams in two pairs of said pants before the week is out. (Mind you, these were well worn pants, but they busted nonetheless.)


5. Maybe the two months surrounding the holidays was not such a great time to begin the non-diet diet. It seems I really could have used a little calorie counting from October 30th to January 1st.


6. Singing along to the jukebox at a local bar can bring a smile to even the grumpiest faces. (Please note: I was not personally involved in the singing, but it was quite amusing to witness.)


7. Jigsaw puzzles are addicting. You will inevitably lose sleep looking for "just one more piece" before you go home.


8. Hanging out with a girlfriend for an afternoon is pure bliss. (Especially for the girlfriend, who is married and has a child and rarely gets to have adult conversation with anyone outside her family or her workplace.)


9. Having female friends nearby to go to lunch with, watch movies with, talk to face-to-face about everything from the stress of raising children to the best color for our complexions, is something I really miss. Really.


10. I need female companionship just as much as I need time with My Love.


11. Having dinner with a single friend of the male persuasion alone at his home doesn't look as innocent to others as it feels to me (and really is, at least on my end).


12. Telling My Love about said dinner because it seemed so innocent until I described it out loud over the phone, to my boyfriend hundreds of miles away, will make me feel crappy because I would have been SO upset if the tables had been turned.


13. Spending time with my nephew makes me crave motherhood.


14. Spending time with my mom makes me crave my childhood.


15. Spending time with my dad makes me sad because he's so lonely and there's nothing I can do about it.


16. Spending time with my step-sister makes me wish we were closer.


17. The opportunity to spend time with my family, while often stressful, is the most precious gift I was given in 2006.


18. I miss the days when everyone was in the same place and not spread out around the country, celebrating the holidays separately.


19. As much as I want to deny this, there's a very good chance that I will move back home eventually. It turns out you can't run away from something that's imbedded in your DNA. Of course, there's also a very good chance I'll write a best-selling novel, buy a house in the suburbs here, and buy a summer home in my hometown--best of both worlds!


20. Nausea during your drive to work is a pretty good indicator that you should start looking for a new job. (ok, I didn't learn this until today, but it's still a good lesson...)

Whew!

I'm back from my week-long vacation and I'm alive. More details later...

Hope you all had a great holiday (if you were celebrating). I wish you and your families a Happy New Year filled with all the good stuff!

Equity and Reality

One of my best friends called me two nights ago to congratulate me on my potential new home. The more we talked, the more reality started to set in: this is really happening. In a few short weeks, I'm going to be a home owner. There's very little doubt anymore that this purchase is going to be completed and settled in mid-January. And then this house will be mine (well, mine and the bank's). I was starting to feel a little nauseated at the thought of repairs and furnishings and major household purchase that I'm going to be responsible for, all by my little lonesome.

Then my sister called to ask about specific things I'd like for my new house because she didn't want to just get me a gift card for Christmas. I realized I had absolutely no idea what to tell her, so I started doing some internet searches. Pretty soon I had picked out an address plate for the front of my home, new book cases for my basement "office," lamps for my bedroom, wall hangings for my bathroom, and a variety of other odds and ends that I'd like to include in various rooms of my house. The more I looked at bedroom furniture and paint colors the more real this purchase became to me. I thought I was going to be sick.

When my realtor called in the middle of my wish list creation to tell me that the appraisal report had been submitted, I almost asked her how we could back out of my contract. My nerves were getting the best of me. I mean, how can I expect to afford all that I'll need to make this house my home? How will I ever afford utilities and repair fees for a house when I've gotten so used to being responsible only for my rent? But before I could voice my doubts, she told me that the house had appraised for $5000 more than I was paying for it. Immediately, relief flooded my body. I was going to be ok. I had chosen well. Before I even move into this home, I will have $5000 in equity. My investment will already be paying off when I sign those papers at settlement.

So I'm not as nervous today about becoming a home owner as I was yesterday. It's still a stressful experience, despite my research and preparation, but knowing that I'm making a sound investment helps to take the edge off a bit. And looking at these pictures regularly, reminding myself of why I chose to put a contract on this house in the first place, keeps me from shredding the stack of signed documents and running for the hills.

TBR Challenge List

I've signed up for another reading challenge. I know, I know, I'm crazy to even try. But this one seems really doable. I only have to read one book a month, and I get to choose from those books on my To Be Read list. You know, the ones that I've been wanting to read foever (well, for at least 6 months anyway). My list isn't etched in stone--if I don't finish my other challenge, I'll probably transfer those books to this challenge. And I might do some substitutions depending on my moods, which is why I'm including an alternates/extras list, too. But this is what I've decided on for now:

1. On Writing Well by William Zinsser Finished 1/31/07


2. The Memory Keeper's Daughter by Kim Edwards Finished 3/15/07


3. The Mermaid Chair by Sue Monk Kidd


4. Me & Emma by Elizabeth Flock Finished 6/24/07


5. Any Place I Hang My Hat by Susan Isaacs Finished 9/25/07


6. I Know This Much is True by Wally Lamb


7. The Guy Not Taken by Jennifer Weiner Finished 2/16/07


8. Interpreter of Maladies by Jhumpa Lahiri Finished 8/16/07


9. The Namesake by Jhumpa Lahiri Finished 4/29/07


10. Digging to America by Anne Tyler Finished 7/27/07

The alternates/extras:

1. This is Not Chick Lit by Elizabeth Merrick (editor) Finished 12/28/07


2. How to Read Literature Like a Professor by Thomas C. Foster Finished 4/7/07


3. Reading Like a Writer by Francine Prose


4. Writing Your Life by Lou Willett Stanek, Ph.D.


5. Writing Life Stories by Bill Roorbach


6. Writing Articles from the Heart by Marjorie Holmes


7. Imagine by Steve Turner Finished 11/19/07


8. Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller Finished 12/3/07


9. Hollywood Worldviews by Brian Godawa

I'm setting my heights high, but it would be nice if I could finish all of these books in 2007. Of course, those lists don't include any of the books I've added to my TBR list in the last 6 months, or any that I might come across during the year.

From the Stacks Challenge: Book #2

Ok, so I'm slow. But I'm plugging along and I am making progress plodding through my Stacks. The bad new is, I've broken the vow not to buy any books until after the holidays. I got a Barnes & Noble gift card as recognition from my company for a job well done recently, and as a reward for avoiding Midnight Munchies (waking up in the middle of the night and eating, which was a habit I'd gotten into for a while) I treated myself to two new books. Both have to do with becoming a more effective reader: Reading Like a Writer by Francine Prose and How to Read Literature Like a Professor by Thomas C. Foster. I guess I'll be adding those to my TBR challenge list (which starts in January).

But the good news is, I finished The Tenth Circle by Jodi Picoult over the weekend. I was loving this story so much that I almost didn't want to finish it. Jodi Picoult has quickly become one of my favorite authors, and this book was no exception.

Here are just a few things I love about Picoult's books, and this one in particular:

• She has an amazing knack for pacing. Her stories unfold from multiple perspectives in a way that I envy and hope to emulate one day.
• She researches her novels painstakingly and uses all that she learns to sprinkle her stories with just the right amount of detail. For this book, she was able to give readers a clear understanding of both the social lives of teenagers today, and the culture of the Yup'ik Eskimos.
• She presents common human struggles beautifully within interesting and powerful situations and against unique backdrops, like the Alaskan tundra.
• Her characters are deep, well-developed, and perfectly imperfect. For every fault, there is a redeeming quality. For every mistake, there is a chance for redemption. (Ok, maybe not always, but almost always.)
• Her stories are at once about the specific and the general. She tackles powerful, broad subjects (like rape and suicide and family connectedness) through individual characters as well as the best literary authors I've ever read.

The Tenth Circle tells a story of love--a parent's love for his child, a child's love for her first boyfriend, and a wife's love for her husband. Jodi Picoult show us how easily that love can become twisted and distorted, and how difficult it can be to travel through the levels of hell that we create in order to redeem and mend the mistakes we've made.

I'd love to hear what others have to say about this book (or any other of Jodi Picoult's novels). I'm hoping to finish up Tough Choices by the end of the month, which leaves me with two more to complete by the end of January in order to make good on this challenge. I guess I better get to reading!

Inspection Results

Well, the home purchase is still on. The inspector found a few things that my realtor and I will be negotiating, but all in all it went well. The basement is dry and shows little if any evidence of water seepage, which was one of my main concerns. The foundation seems to be in good condition. The plumbing is functional, although it's the original galvanized steel pipes, so I'll probably need to do some maintenance and replacement eventually. The electrical outlets will need to be updated in most places because they're the old two-pronged outlets and aren't grounded. The inspector couldn't get to the roof, so we're asking for an inspection and certification from the sellers. The furnace is super old, too, so we're asking the sellers to have it inspected or to pay for a home warranty.

It was a bit frustrating because the owners still had things piled in rooms (which we'd asked them to clear out enough that the inspector could see the walls and stuff). I didn't get as many pictures as I wanted to because they would have just been of the sellers belongings. But I did get pictures of the kitchen:

the renovated bathroom:

and my patch of a back yard:

So...as long as the sellers agree to our requests based on the inspection it looks like I'll still be settling on my very first home in mid-January! That means as soon as the holidays are over I'll need to start packing and preparing for a big move. Note to those looking to buy a house: don't start looking in October, and don't put in an offer in November. This time of year is hectic enough! If I had it to do over again, I would have started earlier in the year so I'd be celebrating Christmas in a new house and not worrying about gift wrapping and mortgage applications in the same week. I'm glad to be doing it though, and in the end I know that all the stress will be worth it!

A Second Try

Tonight was my second go at Dinner on Hand and I'm pleased to announce it was a success. I made Spicy Asian Medley, based on a recipe I found at Allrecipes.com (with a few tweeks of my own). They have a great search where you can enter in what ingredients you like to use and it spits out a list of recipes containing those ingredients.

I always have several bags of frozen vegetables in my freezer because I buy them when they're on sale, but usually end up using fresh veggies instead. So this recipe, which calls for 1/2 a package of frozen peas and carrots, seemed like a good way to get rid of a bag. It also used tofu, of which I had a package about to pass its expiration date, and hoisin sauce, of which I have a jar that's been open for several weeks in the fridge. I used 10-Minute brown rice from my cabinet, because I didn't want to wait 45 minutes for regular rice. I decreased the oil to 1 tablespoon instead of two. I also pressed the tofu before cubing it and sauteed it with the onion and garlic to brown it before adding the hoisin, hot and soy sauces. I substituted Thai curry paste for the Thai chili paste (because it's what I had) and I used a whole pound of veggies instead of just half a pound. The end product was spicy, spicy, spicy and absolutely delish! The powerful flavors were very satisfying.

Spicy Asian Medley

The No-Diet Diet

I've started a little experiment, and while it's not going all that great at the moment, I have a feeling it's going to be the most successful weight management and healthy lifestyle tool that I've ever used. The goal is not to diet. I know that may sound like a cop-out, and it's even a bit scary from where I'm standing, but it's beginning to make more and more sense.

I've been counting calories or Weight Watchers Points for so long I can barely eat anything without mentally calculating something in my head. I exercise not for the health benefits, the energy and the mood elevation, but for the calories it burns. I eat foods based on their calorie/points count instead of their nutritional value. And while I know this is all wrong thinking, it seems to be the only way I know how to go about losing weight. Then one day recently, I looked at my calorie calculator and had 300 calories available in my daily calorie range (1300-1600 calories). Instead of considering that I wasn't really hungry and therefore didn't need to use these calories, I immediately started thinking about what I could and couldn't do with them. After munching my way through the 300 and then some, I realized what I was doing. I wasn't eating because I was hungry, but rather because I had calories available to use. It was a wasted purchase, like buying a formal dress, not because I had an event to attend, but because I had the cash in my pocket.

I started wondering why I eat and exercise. I went over certain situations in my mind and it occurred to me (not for the first time) that I often eat when I'm not hungry. In fact, just last night, I continued to eat despite palpable stomach discomfort. So what's the deal? And how can I change this pattern? I also started thinking about what it would be like to have children and what kind of an example I would be. Would I teach them healthy habits naturally, or would I teach them to look at food as the enemy and exercise as a chore? Honestly, I don't know the answer to any of these questions yet. But I do know that even if counting every calorie I put in my mouth and writing down every food that I choose to eat causes me to lose weight in the short term, it's not a weight loss that I'm ever going to be able to maintain over the long term. If I don't first discover what is causing these binges and how I can disrupt them (and maybe even avoid them), then I'll always be bound by them. And I certainly won't be able to teach my children to have a healthy mindset about food and exercise. The last thing I want is to transfer my own obsessions and false ideas to others.

So my plan is simple. No more dieting. Instead, my focus is on getting in touch with myself. I need to understand why I am eating in every situation. I need to develop skills to decrease my tendency to eat everything but the kitchen sink. I need to figure out what it is that allows me to be satisfied with a single bowl of cereal some mornings, and what causes me to crave four or five bowls, and to give in to that craving, on other days. While the plan seems simple, none of this is going to be easy. And it's clear to me from last night's fiasco that I may lose sight of my goals and fall into old habits while I'm learning. But I think that this way may be the best way for me to learn what I need to know in order to accomplish my ultimate goal of living a healthy life, instead of just becoming successful at a lifetime of dieting.

Taking the Challenge

Belinda over at Ninja Poodles has issued a Dinner-on-Hand challenge to those of us looking to save a little cash this month. The goal is to use the food we already have in our refrigerators and cabinets instead of heading out to the grocery store. I'll admit I have a tendency to fill up my pantry and freezer long before it's emptied, and purchase way more perishables than I can use before they go bad.

So I've decided to take the challenge. I'm going to try to go the rest of the month without buying more than milk and bread (and maybe some bagged salad). Last night I pulled on-the-brink-of-spoiling zucchini, onion, green pepper, and few mushrooms from the refrigerator and got to work. I sauteed them with a tiny bit of olive oil. Then I added a large can of diced tomatoes, drained and a few shakes of McCormicks Montreal Steak seasoning. Once the veggies were tender and the tomatoes were warm, I tossed the concoction over some quinoa I cooked up on Monday and threw in a handful of chick peas I didn't use when I made hummus earlier this week. It was yummy, easy, and avoided a stomach-churning trash day next week, when I would have discovered all the spoiled vegetables and molding leftovers in the back of the refrigerator.

Thanks, Belinda! Can't wait to try this again when my Veggie Feast is all gone.

Thursday's Veggie Feast