Learning to Feed Myself

There's a lot to be learned during 10 days in a house by yourself. In my case, there was also a lot to be eaten. It turns out that I eat when I'm feeling lonely. I also eat when I'm bored, tired, disappointed and, sometimes, hungry.

During the first twenty-four hours of feeling lonely and sorry for myself because my boyfriend was snowed-in across town, I ate just about everything I could get my hands on. I baked bread, I got the slow cooker working, and then I munched on everything that wasn't nailed down. I also took the opportunity to spend time doing the things I love but don't often have much time for.

About 36 hours into my home-bound weekend, I started to feel a bit more settled in this state of alone-ness and a little less lonely. I was actually enjoying myself. And immediately, my appetite decreased. For the majority of the following five days, I was able to eat when I was hungry, stop when I was satisfied, and avoid serious munch-attacks.

But what changed? Why was I able to turn off the binge and turn on the self-control?

First, I found myself submersed in things I loved: writing, reading, yoga, even shoveling. I wasn't bored. I wasn't mindlessly eating in front of the TV. I spent much of each day "in the zone", present and focused on whatever I was doing. Even the dishes and laundry didn't seem so bad.

Second, I recognized that just because I was physically alone didn't mean I had to be lonely. It wasn't quite the same as having someone in the room with me, but I made phone calls, visited blogs, sent emails and spent time chatting on Facebook and Twitter. I cuddled with my cat. I journaled.

I found the things that fed my spirit, my mind, and my body and I lived off of them. Instead of eating every half hour out of boredom or frustration, I vented my feelings through writing or a quick Tweet and then went about my business doing something I enjoyed. I met my emotional needs, indulged my creativity, exercised in ways that were appealing and ate when I was hungry.

Don't get me wrong, I still did some emotional eating now and then. Every day wasn't binge-free. But thankfully, my learning out-paced my eating and there is still food left in the pantry.